This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood,

I was recently released from prison (on charges I wish not to discuss). Even though I spoke with members of my family to request help getting out of lock down, when I finally got released at 3:15 in the morning, none of my family/friends were at the precinct to greet my regained freedom or take me home. I ended up walking 45 minutes to the nearest train station and waiting an hour for metro rail to open. Do I have a right to be mad that no one was there for me in my time of need?    


Dear JailBird212, 

Because I know what it’s like to sit on the internal side of a jail cell (shh, that’s our little secret), I won’t give you a hard way to go. Also because you opt not to discuss your incarceration charges, the first thing that comes to my mind is murder, and I rather enjoy the land of the living so I’m going to watch what I say in hopes that you don’t track me down and kill me. 

Let the truth be told, you have no reason to be mad at anyone for not showing up at the time of your release. Reasons being: 

  1. Assumingly, they were not with you when you did whatever you did to get locked up.
  2. Assumingly, they were not with you when you got caught.
  3. Anyone that knows anything about suspect processing [of any kind] knows that the entire process takes a minimum of 9 hours, if you’re lucky. Who the hell would wait a day sitting in uncomfortable seats, surrounded by men with guns to find out if and/or when you are going to be released from jail for a crime you shouldn’t have committed in the first place? 

Honestly, you need to shift the focus of your priorities and drop this “I/Me” crap. After being released from the big house, everyone around you is going to look at you differently – like a crook. You should be more concerned about what you need to do to A) keep your ass out of trouble and B) paint a more positive image of yourself to those people around you, specifically and especially your family. 

The bottom line is that you can’t be mad at anyone else for not making your problems their own. You don’t get mad at anyone else when you miss the toilet seat do you? Or when you fall in? Or when your deodorant fails? This case is no different, especially in the sense that a cellblock smells as shitty as funky underarms and exactly the same as a pissy toilet – you know, with that one toilet bowl inside the holding cell that’s shared with the number of criminals that were picked up around or at the same time as you. 

My advice to you is to get over yourself and get your issues in order. And I mean that out of love and fear – fear that you’ll come looking for my ass because I didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear, which I might add, you should be used to by now. Because I know you heard a lot of stuff you didn’t want to hear while you were in the pen. In fact, you probably heard everything except Jesus saying, “I told you so.” 

Good luck and play it safe!  


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