Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of August 26-September 1, 2012

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Live and let live even if it kills you.

 _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Your maturity is measured by the cleanliness of your bathroom.

_________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

“Oops,” is Chinese for “Shit,” for anyone that doesn’t speak Chinese.

_________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

Before you judge someone else for being wrong, it might be necessary to acknowledge first that you ain’t right.

_________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Today’s stupidity will be the reason behind tomorrrow’s tax fraud investigation.

_________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

A free gift, paid for with a five finger discount, will be given to you for a price.

_________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Don’t start no “sh-,” won’t be no “-it.”

_________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

If you’re interested in learning about lying, follow an immigrant into a local police station.

_________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Rubbing your thighs together during a power outage could save your life.

_________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

You don’t throw a brick at someone’s head without telling them to duck if you have no intentions of cracking their skull.

_________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

While your enemy wastes his time swinging at you, your strategy is not to get hit. When he gets tired, clobber the mother%@#!

_________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You may have to step out of line to put someone else in theirs.  

 _________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:    “Do who what you want and want who what you do.”

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s