The 90s Wants its Style Back

It’s been a while since I’ve taken time out of my busy schedule to gripe about something that I personally can live without. And by “a while,” I mean all of “six hours.”

To date I’ve complained about sunglasses at night, skinny jeans, sagging jeans, white socks and sandals and extreme false eyelashes. Today I want to shake a finger at a style I wish would have stayed dead in the late 80s and early 90s. This complaint is dedicated to all of my homies that are stuck in the past and [I guess] all of my homiettes that take testosterone pills, who’ve also happened to steal this style falsity from the likes of Christopher “Kid” Reid and Grace Jones, two people who look just as weird as their haircuts.

Fellas (and ladies if applicable), high tops fades, no matter how hard you try, is not a fad that is running to crawl down any catwalks in this millennium. I don’t know who the hell told you that this style was inching its way back for a second wind, but whoever it was lied to you! I suppose it’s one thing to see grade school kids (even though kids in grades seven and up should know better) trying to get away with this fashion faux pas, but when grown ass men make conscious decisions to turn back the clock and grow crops on the crowns of their heads, that’s bordering a line that boasts, “…a damn shame!”

I’m not going to bother to go into detail about how stupid some of you look. Your hair outlines your stupidity, so there’s just no need for me to waste my breath. But I will warn you and the ten other people on the planet that thinks this haircut is jamming on the one that there are plenty of people aimlessly roaming the city streets, myself not included, that wish your silly high top fades were a kick me sign.

The good news is that you’re not the only idiot thinking you are rocking a new trend.

The bad news is that you’re not the only idiot thinking you are rocking a new trend.

Take heed to my advice. Get a pair of bush whackers and cut that shit off quickly! Trust me. It’s better that this news is coming from me rather than my cougar, Joan Rivers. Your butt will thank me in the end.


Quote of the Week:  “Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.”

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