Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Don’t be surprised by the words, “We’d like to invite you not to live with us.”

 _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

The first time you see a pretty person look ugly it will make you happy.

_________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

You are the perfect third wheel.

_________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

Your gut will tell you to follow two things: your heart and a stairwell to the bathroom. Listen to it.

_________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

You only need to remember one rule to survive in the business world: “No business during business hours.”

_________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

There’s not one other life you’d rather not have.

_________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Where you come from, friends don’t chew on each others ear lobes. Aren’t you glad you don’t live there anymore?

_________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

Trashy is the new classy.

_________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Always accept the “Plus one (+1)” ticket. Take your ego has your guest.

_________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

There is no way you can let someone else be the BIGGER bigger person than you.

_________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You picked the perfect outfit to drive someone away.

_________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Congratulations! You’ve been elected president of the convenient excuse club.

_________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:    “You can’t spell ‘Blame’ without ‘Bla’.