Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Don’t be surprised by the words, “We’d like to invite you not to live with us.”
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
The first time you see a pretty person look ugly it will make you happy.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
You are the perfect third wheel.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Your gut will tell you to follow two things: your heart and a stairwell to the bathroom. Listen to it.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
You only need to remember one rule to survive in the business world: “No business during business hours.”
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
There’s not one other life you’d rather not have.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Where you come from, friends don’t chew on each others ear lobes. Aren’t you glad you don’t live there anymore?
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Trashy is the new classy.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Always accept the “Plus one (+1)” ticket. Take your ego has your guest.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
There is no way you can let someone else be the BIGGER bigger person than you.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
You picked the perfect outfit to drive someone away.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Congratulations! You’ve been elected president of the convenient excuse club.
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Quote of the week: “You can’t spell ‘Blame’ without ‘Bla’.
