Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of September 30-October 6, 2012

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

No coffee in the office is like no weed in the hood.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Paper plates are your best china.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, female alcoholics should be told not to f#ck.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

It is probable that you and one other person will clearly underestimate one over the other.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

It takes someone with either a weak or strong character to be offended by a hotel for charging a full night’s rate for a few hours of occupancy, none of that time having to do with sleep.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

A man can’t watch sports and cut hair at the same time.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

If you refuse to let a pedestrian cross in the crosswalk, 10 days after January 13, 2013, your transmission will disintegrate, forcing you to catch the bus. Your legs will fall off during rush hour and no one will give up their seat for you.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

It’s bad luck to talk about a skin rash before sex.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Failure is a possibility every armpit deodorant sniffer must face.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Sometimes it takes a big man to run like a little girl.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Once in a while a silver tongue turns to lead.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

The weight of the world is light enough to throw into the air like a paper plane. Toss it and see where it lands.

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Quote of the week:    “Don’t let what you want blind you from what you have.”

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2 thoughts on “Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of September 30-October 6, 2012

  1. Pingback: Amedar Consulting Group

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