Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Unfortunately today you look as if you’ve been mugged, and the first thing that was stolen was your dignity.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

One question will boggle your mind today: “Can a cheater be a victim?”

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

For the next 24 hours your nickname will be, “Beat it, Creep!”

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

You have to tell someone some bad news. It’s best to wait until they leave the room because you don’t want to be around when you tell them what you have to tell them.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

You are many things, like boring, cheap, a bad cook, an easy lay, and often times chosen first to be picked last for a team. But you are not lazy.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

You’d be surprised how much you miss your toenails once they’re gone.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Fear and desire are commonly known as two sides of the same coin.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

It’s time to turn over a new leaf – from poison ivy to poison oak.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

No one ever really listens to you because you talk so much and so little of it matters.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

You should be happy to get to work so you can get some rest, since you don’t do anything else [there].

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Nobody knows nothing better than you.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

After a while, good intentions only go but so far.

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Quote of the week:    “You are judged by your actions, not your intentions.”