Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Unfortunately today you look as if you’ve been mugged, and the first thing that was stolen was your dignity.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
One question will boggle your mind today: “Can a cheater be a victim?”
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
For the next 24 hours your nickname will be, “Beat it, Creep!”
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
You have to tell someone some bad news. It’s best to wait until they leave the room because you don’t want to be around when you tell them what you have to tell them.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
You are many things, like boring, cheap, a bad cook, an easy lay, and often times chosen first to be picked last for a team. But you are not lazy.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
You’d be surprised how much you miss your toenails once they’re gone.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Fear and desire are commonly known as two sides of the same coin.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
It’s time to turn over a new leaf – from poison ivy to poison oak.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
No one ever really listens to you because you talk so much and so little of it matters.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
You should be happy to get to work so you can get some rest, since you don’t do anything else [there].
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Nobody knows nothing better than you.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
After a while, good intentions only go but so far.
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Quote of the week: “You are judged by your actions, not your intentions.”
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