This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood,  

I’m bored out of my mind. Why is it that [work] days are so much longer than nights?

Pinky

Dear Pinky,

The answer to your question is truly simple. Your days at work don’t go by fairly quickly because, I assume for the most part, you don’t want to be there. You’d rather be out in a heathen-infested night club or bar batting your eyelashes at someone your ass ought to be staying away from. Instead you’re stuck in a building for eight hours, being paid to interact with someone (or a couple of someones) you’d more than likely try to stay away from if your ass was in fact at a bar and your colleagues were drunken party goers.

A lot of people like their job while even more people than a lot hate their job(s). You probably fall under the category of those that like their job. However it isn’t uncommon for people to like their job for a mere few hours and on their own terms, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you fell under the category of those people that like their job [with strings attached]. People that generally ask me why their work days are longer than their evenings tend to like their job as long as they don’t have to take orders, work too hard or stay too long. I like to call those people government employees.

Let me let you in on a little secret. Usually, after the little hand lands on the 10 and the big hand falls on the 12, the clock’s battery runs out, leaving the clock useless and frozen in a time loop of morning gripes and cold coffee. It takes at least seven hours for the clock to start working again. By then you or some other government employee is old and gray and tired. Your feet are sore, your back aches and your mood stinks. But just when you muster up enough energy to lift your eyeballs off the blurry bright computer screen to peer at the seemingly broken clock, it’s 5 o’clock! You gain a sudden burst of energy – just enough to make it through thick evening rush hour traffic to get home, stuff your face with the greasiest dish you can afford from the carryout, shit, shower and crawl into bed with anticipation to run the same hum drum cycle all over again the next day.

Your days are longer than your nights because that’s just the way nature [or Uncle Sam] intended it to be. It’s the American way. And it works the same all over the planet. If you think you’re the only one that has this problem, you’re wrong. And I never tell anyone they’re wrong. Well, almost never. Okay, maybe sometimes. Alright already. Sheesh! I always tell people when they’re wrong but we’re not talking about me, are we?

Hottywood

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