This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood,  

I have a friend that always tells me he wants to screw me, but always asks for my advice in regard to his other female friends (or “hookers” as I like to call them). How should I take that? Should I be offended? I don’t think I’m romantically interested in him, yet I find myself getting jealous over conversations about [his] other girls. 

Darcy

Dear Darcy,

Man is a funny species. Generally, men think so differently than women until we stumble upon a moment or two where we don’t see what we’re doing wrong. Before you pass judgment on old boy, keep that in mind. That old saying “Forgive them Lawd; for they know not what they do” rings true here.

Double_StandardsAs a man, and this may be something you don’t want to hear, I think he’s just being honest with you when he tells you he wants to screw you. He probably does want to screw you – more than likely like a jackhammer to concrete – but is pretty confident that you aren’t going to give up any ass, so his flirting becomes a harmless game. If you’ve turned him down on more than one, two or ten occasions, he simply enjoys flirting with you and toying with the idea of covering you in fried shrimp and pouring ketchup all over your body. It’s a man’s way of saying, “You’re alright with me.”  If I were you, I’d be flattered. 

When it comes down to him asking your advice about other women, although I can understand your frustration, consider his logic. You aren’t giving up the cupcakes, are you? You have no intention of giving them up, do you? I mean after all, you did you just say you don’t think you’re romantically interested in him. It sounds to me like you guys are just friends. He can talk to you like one of the boys, although he tells you he appreciates you (or your body) like one of his hoes. This is one of those scenarios where you take that feminine mind of yours and think like a man. Don’t trip.

If you just can’t handle the heat of the kitchen, play him at his own game. Tease him. Flirt with him. And then spend a considerable amount of time bragging over or asking advice about some other dude(s). I promise you nothing will get under his skin more.

Double_Standards_2Sadly, you have to play him at his own game in order for him to see the error of his ways. Does this sound like a double standard? Probably. Because it is. I have no witty supporting comments for the double standard, that’s just the way things are in terms of the way man thinks and the difference in a woman’s perspective on [his] thoughts. Hey…no one said men are a perfect creature.

Be warned though that if you talk about some other dude to him, out of a rage of jealousy, he may either punch you in the mouth or threaten to hunt down and beat up the guy you’re harping over. Either way, he’ll feel the sting of his own stinger. And in no time you will have solved your problem. In the future he will remember how it feels to be jealous over someone else when he considers mentioning his side pieces to you. I can’t promise that he won’t come on to you any more, but if you ask me, when he stops begging to bone you is when you should really worry.

Hottywood

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