Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot.
_________________________________________________________
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
A clothes pin and some morphine is a cold solution to a burning problem.
_________________________________________________________
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Clip-on nipple extensions are all the rage in Hollywood and soon will be, too, in your town. Be a trendsetter.
_________________________________________________________
Pisces
February 19 – March 20
A knight in shining armor will turn out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
_________________________________________________________
Aries
March 21 – April 19
A closed door is code name for smash a brick through a window.
_________________________________________________________
Taurus
April 20 – May 20
All human wisdom is summed up in three words: “Get Over It.”
_________________________________________________________
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Hate is not a luxury expense that can only be spent on one person.
_________________________________________________________
Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Time heals a broken heart just like time heals a broken leg and arm.
_________________________________________________________
Leo
July 23 – August 22
If it doesn’t matter who wins or loses, then why keep score?
_________________________________________________________
Virgo
August 23 – September 22
People live in fantasy worlds because real life is usually very badly accessorized.
_________________________________________________________
Libra
September 23 – October 22
For the rest of the day everything you eat will taste like pre-gargled mouthwash.
_________________________________________________________
Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Be careful. Your first impression may be your last impression. Smell right.
_________________________________________________________
Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Tough cookies don’t crumble.
_________________________________________________________
Quote of the week: “Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.”