Dear Metro Officials,

I’m taking the time to write this letter to wholeheartedly say to you, “Thanks for nothing.”

Every time I get on the train, about five minutes after my ride begins, I am reminded of just how intolerably ghetto you are. Maybe it’s the constant breakdowns, the fires on the train tracks, the suicidal jumpers, the muggers, the single tracked cars, the broken escalators and elevators, the no shuttle bus services or the constant hike in fares that give me so little hope that you will ever get your shit together.

Last night during the one hundred and tenth minute of my thirty minute commute, I had nothing but time to read the newspaper and was a little surprised at the ambitious plan metro has for an upgrade, which is presumed to be paid for by metro riding tax payers – an expense that will cost millions if not billions of dollars. Of course we’d be happy to pay for your upgrades. Why not? You are already bleeding us dry from a system that barely works. Why wouldn’t it be a good idea to add more subway lines and underground tunnels that will more than likely cost more trouble and add more time to our commutes while taking more money out of our pockets and paychecks? Please know that I say this with the most sincere sarcasm.

My intent on writing this open letter of disappointment and disgust to you is tarnished by my body’s lack of strength as I am completely exhausted from last night’s wait in a sea of angry metro riders for the next available shuttle bus to ANY metro station remotely close to my home, which unsurprisingly didn’t arrive for at least two hours after you made a public announcement that there was no longer any running trains to my station. I believe your exact words were, “If you are traveling in the direction of Greenbelt (the opposite way from my home, of course) there will be a twenty minute delay. If you are traveling in the direction of Branch Avenue (guess where I was headed), you are out of luck! There is no metro service at this time and God only knows when we’ll be up and running again.”

Aren’t you tired of singing this song? I know I’m tired of hearing it.

Oh, to dream of the days of old where commuters were transported to their destinations by giant tyrannosaurus rexes like on the Flintstones. Life would be so much simpler, provided those dinosaurs wouldn’t eat their passengers which, in all honesty, wouldn’t be any worse than what metro is doing to its riders today.

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Quote of the Week:  “Mass transportation is doomed to failure because a person’s car is the only place where he can be alone and think.”