This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood,  

I haven’t seen my girlfriend in the last four and a half weeks. We may communicate possibly twice a day – if I’m lucky. Once around 8am, when she knows I’m on the subway (where my phone can’t get reception) and/or at night, any time between 11pm-12pm, when I’m asleep. She also doesn’t respond to my text messages. When I ask her about her disappearance, she always only responds, “There’s so much going on right now.” I don’t know if it’s just me but that doesn’t sound like a concrete answer. I guess it’s pretty obvious that my question to you is in regards to my wondering if I should worry or assume my relationship is over. Could she have just lost interest and doesn’t want to tell me? Could she be dating someone else? 

In the Dust 

Dear In the Dust,

Cut Your TiesIt’s kind of hard to say what the reason is for your girlfriend pulling a Casper on you. But I can say one thing for certain: PEOPLE MAKE TIME FOR THE THINGS THEY WANT. If she isn’t making time for you or your relationship after a month’s passing, you already know what needs to be done. I don’t think you need me to tell you that you’ve been left in the dust. I think you’re seeking confirmation that what your gut is telling you is true – the wench is over it and she’s too chicken shit to tell you straight up.

My advice to you is to cut the knot at the end of your rope and stop hanging on. Whether she’s seeing someone else or just plain ol’ doesn’t want to be bothered with you any more, four and a half weeks is enough time for you to stop whining and get over her. What’s the point of wanting someone that blatantly doesn’t want you back? It makes you look kind of desperate, and desperation doesn’t match any pair of shoes.

*On the bright side, usually after breaking up with someone, once the wound has healed and the dust has settled, if and when you see that person again you notice all of their flaws.

When you see ol’ girl the next time, hopefully you’ll have found someone way hotter than she is. Then you can ask yourself what the hell you were thinking about when you let her carry you for all those weeks. And if you’re really lucky (or pray hard enough) – she’ll be single and lonely, her ankles will have swollen and her breasts will have dropped to her knee caps. That’s when she’ll tell you she misses you and asks if you’d be willing to give it another go.

So even though you may not be feeling the greatest right now, at least you’ll have something to look forward to.

Hottywood

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