Sadly, there are many people in this world that don’t take advantage of slacking off on company time. Any normal person would be inclined to ask why? I am inclined to assume it’s because they don’t know how. Lucky for them Hottywood Helps!

If one insists on doing a full day’s work, the day to do it is Tuesday. Monday is reserved for getting over a weekend hangover. Wednesday is reserved for celebrating the halfway mark of faking your way through the work week. Thursday is codename for “I Don’t Give a Phuck Day,” and Fridays are like the Christmas Eve of the weekend!

Rather than me spending a lot of time explaining the how-to of office slacking, I’m just going to post a little weekday workday schedule for you. After all, I’m supposed to be in a staff meeting right now, but I’d rather do this, so I’m claiming one of my fifteen minute breaks now.

*This is a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday workday schedule.

8:30am

Arrive at work.

8:31am – 9:05am

Talk to your favorite select coworkers.

9:06am – 9:30am

Fifteen minute coffee/smoke break.

9:31am – 9:45am

Do some actual work.

9:46am – 10:00am

Bathroom break. What you do in the bathroom is nobody’s business!

10:01am – 11:59am

Get on Facebook.

12:00pm – 2:00pm

Lunch

2:01pm – 2:45pm

Fifteen minute coffee/smoke break.

2:46pm – 3:25pm

Ask your supervisor a question about a task you should have completed two hours ago. Give about five minutes worth of attention to the actual task in question. Devote the rest of the time discussing their [supervisor’s] pet. You will probably get a promotion for caring at all about their pet(s).

3:26pm – 4:00pm

Get on Facebook.

4:01pm – 4:30pm

Bathroom break. Make sure you wash your hands.

4:31pm – 4:45pm

Reserve nothing during this time slot. Not a damn thing. This is YOUR time.

4:46pm

Sneak out of the office early. No one will come looking for you because it’ll be too close to 5 o’clock’s quitting time.

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Quote of the Week:  “You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ any more.”