Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of March 24-30, 2013

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

If someone thinks your name is great, wait until they hear your phone number.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Some heel will start a big fire at a shoe factory and 200 soles will be lost.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Don’t forget to demand the right price for your services or others may think they can get something for nothing. This HORRORscope is mainly for hookers.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Who said life was fair? You can’t get a job in this town unless you can do something.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

You aren’t fooling anyone. You’re not wearing gloves. Your hands are just extra wrinkly.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

You and the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons speak the same language.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Silent farts are loud to the nose.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Brown sweat stains in the shape of Elvis will mysteriously appear in all the underarms of your t-shirts.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

A four-letter word will answer any question.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Broken cookies are good for you because once they break, all the calories fall out.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Pretend you’re a bobble head doll every time you engage in a conversation about a topic you know nothing about.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

If you keep walking down the same dead end street, you’re probably just as dumb as the wall you’re repeatedly walking into.

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Quote of the week:    “There are only two things you can’t eat for dinner; breakfast and lunch.”

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