This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood, 

Is it true that it’s bad luck for a cat to walk across your path? 

Superstitiously Superstitious

Dear Superstitiously Superstitious,

Black Cat Bad LuckIt all depends on where you come from.

If you’re from the hills of Hottywood, a black cat that crosses your path is only bad luck if you’re walking or driving blindfolded and on the other side of the cat is a mountain cliff and a 100ft drop to your doom.

If you’re from Great Britain, black cats are seen as lucky and are often given in token form to brides. It’d probably be considered bad luck for the bride though if she’s allergic to cats or the people that gives them as tokens.

If you’re from Japan, black cats are considered good luck. In fact it’s said that [in Japan] if a woman has a black cat she will have many suitors. I don’t know how lucky that woman would be if she were a dominant lesbian and has sworn off men for the rest of her days.

In Western history, black cats have often been looked upon as a symbol of evil omens, specifically being suspected of being the familiars of witches. Apparently no one in Western history has ever seen Bewitched or Charmed. In contrast, some considered it lucky that both shows went off the air. Here, the luck depends on the person questioning it…and TV ratings.

The luck of cats also depends on the direction of the path the cat crosses…or if you’re cross-eyed and can’t tell the difference between one side from another. In Germany, some believe that black cats crossing a person’s path from left to right is a bad omen. But from right to left, the cat is granting favorable times. Why not just scotch-tape two baby kittens to your ankles? The balance of luck will offset good vs. evil. Wait, maybe not. Those kittens might use your ankles as scratching posts. Call me crazy but that doesn’t sound much like good luck.

Okay, so the answers that I’ve given in response to your question seems to lean towards the side of bad luck, however anything can be considered back luck if you don’t put barbeque sauce on it first. Life is what you make of it, not what someone else makes of it for you.

If I haven’t answered your question satisfactorily, allow a giant black panther to cross your path and report back to me what happened. If I hear from you, then that means you ran and got away; and he didn’t catch, scratch and eat you. All the world will automatically know that you’re lucky to be alive.

If I don’t hear from you again, well…question answered.

Hottywood

Let me tell you a little story: 

A friend of mine, whom we’ll call Anonymous, was riding his four-wheeled 10-speed bike (he has training wheels) when he saw a black cat nearly crossing his path. Instead of swerving to get out of the path, he decided to run over the cat and kill any chances of bad luck. That choice was a bad decision. 

Anonymous ran over the cat who by the way didn’t die but rather laughed at him. The front wheel of his bike exploded instantly causing him to lose control. He swerved speedily and ran over the legs of a beer guzzling homeless man. Unsurprisingly he flew off the bike and landed on an elderly woman, thus knocking her hip out of place. The bike ended up on the other side of the street atop a state trooper’s squad car. 

laughing cat

Anonymous was arrested for reckless driving, driving while under the influence (the homeless man’s beer spilled all over Anonymous’ “I Live for Luck” t-shirt), and was hit with a $5000 fine for premeditated animal cruelty. His bike was impounded and he’s still in litigation with the elderly woman and the homeless man who are both suing him for medical expenses.   

Was the situation a result of good luck unraveling or his own undoing?

Advertisements

One thought on “This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s