The month is May; the year 2013. Let’s see what kind of luck is seen and unseen. Hold on to your shorts because this will be a ride as good luck and bad luck unluckily collides.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
If you ever wonder why frisbees get bigger as they get closer, wait. It’ll hit you.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Your next idea will be two sizes too small for your head. Either your ideas are too small or your head is too big.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
Can’t get rid of a cough? Go home and eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, then you’ll be afraid to cough. Problem solved.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
You’re filled with a bunch of creative %#@! called crap.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
If you’re lucky you’ll run across a dragon slayer who’s peddling his weapons as kitchen utensils.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
You have what it takes to make sleeping a competitive event in the world Olympics.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
The one thing your stomach craves the most is the one thing you will not have in your refrigerator.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
Beware of being held prisoner in a Chinese laundry.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
A day without sunshine is like night.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work.
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Quote of the week: “Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘THEIRS’?
