This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood,

The last two weeks have been extremely challenging. Everything happened that I thought was unthinkable. I got slapped in the face by people with no hands and kicked so much until my knees fell off, cutting me down to size. I’m usually the person that people turn to for guidance or just a general good time. But now that I’m in a dark place, no one wants to be bothered. Outside of reading your Hottywood Helps funnies, what can I do to get myself out of my funk? 

Who Can I Run To 

Dear Who Can I Run To,

No TimeI have to admit, being a man self-proclaimed to have all the answers for everyone (but myself at times) is easier than it looks/sounds. Since you’ve come to the right place I’ll let you in on this little secret; when you have no one else to turn to or no other place to run and hide, the best place to find comfort isn’t just in the bible, it’s inside the pages of a bad celebrity gossip magazine – preferably InTouch or Life & Style. It’s always nice to read about people who make waaaaaaaay more money than you, date hotter people, live in nicer homes, and drive better cars, and are feeling just as crappy, if not worse, than you are. That lets you know that even greater, more popular, and often untouchable people are just as normal and miserable as, well…you.

Find yourself a hobby, like making bracelets out of a box of Cheerios cereal. The creative distraction will take your mind off your troubles and will also help you to realize that it’s time to change your situation when you’ve been reduced to making bracelets made out of some dry ass cereal (it also tastes great!).

As for your peeps that don’t want to be bothered when you’re down and out…wave that delicious bracelet in their face(s) – all two of them – and be the first to yell, “No greedies!” They may think you’re being funny but in that moment, you will have made someone laugh while bringing joy to yourself, knowing that you are serious as shit.

Let me know how things turn out for you.


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