This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood, 

My husband is an addict. He isn’t addicted to drugs or alcohol. His case is much worse. He’s addicted to donuts. Glazed; chocolate glazed; powdered; jelly-filled; cream-filled. If it’s soft baked with a hole in the middle or something juicy enough to ooze out onto his lips, he can’t resist it. 

I’m worried the sugary deliciousness will eventually destroy his waistline. Is there anything I can do to calm his desire to consume the bready goodness? 

Sincerely, 

The Wife of a Skinny Fat Man 

Dear Wife of a Skinny Fat Man,

Hooked on DonutsI’m going to speak on your husband’s behalf and tell you to back off a little bit. In today’s society, men have enough “stuff” to deal with (like making sure the wife is always happy even at his own expense, for instance). I know you may be worried about his eating habits, but unless your husband is at risk of falling into a diabetic coma, a few million donuts won’t hurt anything except your bed springs, which I’m sure are already getting a workout when he hits your skins.

Telling him what he can/can’t/should/shouldn’t eat will eventually translate to nagging and that always puts a damper on communication and the relationship as a whole – slowly but surely. Once he feels you are nagging him, if he doesn’t eventually tell you to shut up and go away he’s going to ignore you all together. Trust me; that will be more of a strain on your relationship than his donut consumption.

Does he tell you when you can/can’t buy shoes? Does he tell you that you shouldn’t have a headache when he wants to have sex with you? Does he tell you that you can’t have chocolate when you’re PMSing? If he did tell you these things, 9 times out of 10 your response would be, “Chile, please!”

Flip the script and put yourself in his shoes and not in his pants (let him wear the pants in the family). Think about how it makes him feel when you tell him what he can and can’t do. Ask yourself, “Would you rather him to be addicted to donuts or drugs and alcohol or sex with other women?” The more you tell him not to eat donuts, the more he’s going to eat out of spite – and soon your name will be THE WIFE OF A FAT FAT MAN.

Hottywood

 

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