Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Your life will change after you get the last whole punched on you Quizno’s card.

____________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

In a couple of years you are going to have to stand on your head in order for your boobs to sit up like a 24 year old.

____________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

The silent treatment will only make someone forget you faster.

____________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

Counting to 10 is 1 of the 2 things you do well. The 2^nd of the 2 is breathing.

____________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

A “get rich quick scheme” isn’t quick if you work on it for at least an hour.

____________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Be careful. You may lose your pride in the first place you forgot to look last.

____________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Want to stick it to an unlikable supervisor? Give them a high-five. After they touch the palm of your hand, sue them for sexual harassment.

____________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

Soup will give you the same comfort as rebound sex.

____________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

A crack head always has an excuse.

____________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

You and your ex can still have sex.  Just not with each other.

____________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Never trust anyone whose perfume/cologne is strong enough to burn your nose hairs. Something smells fishy about what they are hiding.

____________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You only have one chance to make it over a barbed wire fence without ripping your crotch. Make it count.

_________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:    “What you know is dangerous to your enemy. What you think you know is dangerous to you.”