DAMN: Testosterone Boosting Aides are Just as Bad as Having Man Cramps

Cry BabyIf you’re a man that has just discovered this little thing called IMS – Irritable Male Syndome – the male version of PMS, then have I got some news for you…and it ain’t all good.

Before I begin, let me start by telling you that when a man experiences IMS (his monthly), he experiences a drop in his testosterone levels. This is why he bitches and whines like a girl (hey, I was raised by a family of six women who always associated their bitchiness with their menstrual cycles, so there’s no need to come after me with a crowbar for that statement. The “bitchiness” line comes from that brood of women. It’s THEIR word, not mine. I just so happen to agree with them. Those bitches are crazy!).

AnyHOO, after doing a little reading during my morning commute to the office, I found that a new Veteran Affairs study shows testosterone creams, gels and patch use is proving to be pretty risky, increasing risks of heart attacks, stroke and death in men with low hormone levels and other health problems. The study raised concerns about the widely used testosterone aides that are heavily marketed for low sex drive, [fatigue and purported anti-aging benefits].

Mood SwingIn case you have no idea what that means, if a man is on his period and his testosterone level is equivalent to that of estrogen, and suddenly he can’t get his junk to rise or he’s just not sexually motivated, being on his period isn’t the only reason for him to be mad as hell. Now that there’s a risk in applying testosterone boosting aides, there’s not a damn thing that man can do but wait for his levels to rise so he can “man up” again and put it down in the chambre. In simpler terms, while a man is on his period, sex isn’t likely because his penis is limp; and he’ll probably get no attention from any women because no woman, except fag hags, like men that act like bitches.

If you ask me, this is looking like this is a no win situation. Somewhere in the world there’s a woman laughing at a man on his period and pointing her finger at him while chanting, “Nananabooboo!” Let’s just hope she isn’t chanting on a day where the man’s period is stronger than his will to avoid kicking her in the shins.

Even though I could elaborate more on this whole BEWARE OF TOPICAL ADMINISTERING thing, I won’t. I’ve probably already scared the shit out of a handful of men as it is.

RELATED STORIES: Do men have periods, too?

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Quote of the week: “All will be told when the scroll unfolds.”

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Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of November 3-9, 2013

House Rules

Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

The worst feeling in the world isn’t being broke. It’s not having a bowel movement in 10 days.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

It is never a compliment when someone tells you, “You look like death eating a pickle.”

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Chances are you hardly wear underwear this week because your private parts will unexplainably reek of piss and Funyons.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Unibrow waxing is linked with low IQs.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

A block of government cheese may not do anything for your pimple problem.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

It’s ok to sniff your fingers all day after eating fried chicken.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

A man does not wander far from where his corn is roasting unless he really has to pee.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Gift cards: when you care a lot to do so little.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

“You’re the life of the party,” “you’re a real thrill seeker,” and “you’ll try anything once,” are just nice ways of saying “you’re stupid.”

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern. Four times is inebriation. Five times is an accidentally-on-purpose beat down.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

No matter the culture, masterbating at a wedding is never considered appropriate. Butt-sniffing is permissible but only if you’re a puppy.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Never underestimate anyone that keeps their hands behind their back.

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Quote of the week:    “If you try on enough shoes, eventually you’ll find a pair that fits.”