This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

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Dear Hottywood,

My last office meeting was so boring I dozed off without realizing it. My boss decided to teach me a lesson by asking me my opinion on the meeting’s topic, which unsurprisingly I didn’t know. I fell asleep before learning what the meeting was about. My question to you is how do I fake an answer to a question, specifically in an office meeting?

Poor Evaluation

Dear Poor Evaluation,

WHATFaking an answer to a question is easy if you know how to bullshit. However not everyone is a master of the art of BS.

If you’re in a meeting and there is a round-robin in motion (each member of the group is required to give a monologue on the topic of discussion), simply agree with what the last person said. If there is no round robin in play and someone asks your opinion, tell the person that asks you the question that they’ve covered the topic thoroughly and that you couldn’t have explained it better yourself.  After your swift word play, continue on by changing the subject. Somehow relate your changed subject to anything work-related. Because what you may say may not make sense, be sure to speak quickly and don’t stop to take breaths. The trick is to confuse whoever is listening to you to the point where they have absolutely no idea what the hell you are talking about. Ask a lot of rhetorical questions and put someone else on the spot. As soon as you trick someone else into speaking, ask questions about the answers they’ve given. If you can, involve the entire group in the discussion, and once everyone is consumed in conversation, make a stealthy exit to the nearest bathroom, break room, cafeteria, or bus stop. It doesn’t matter where you go as long as you get your ass out of the room before someone realizes that with all that talking you did, you didn’t actually say anything.  I wouldn’t stay gone too long if I were you, but I’d stay gone long enough for the group to finish their conversation and move on to the next.  The next day, be sure to bring a box of donuts to the office.

Bribery succeeds where bullshit fails.

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