This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

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Dear Hottywood,

I met someone online about six months ago. When we met it was really just a turn up thing (as in I was probably drunk or high at the time). After that night I didn’t feel anything for her emotionally or sexually, yet somehow I got pulled into a relationship with her (I know, I know. That’s a whole other issue). During the course of time we’ve been hanging out, I haven’t been intimate with her because I’ve found pleasure in other people. To make a long story short, I recently found out she is (or has been) doing the same thing I’ve been doing; she sent me a note online not knowing she was actually talking to me. I played it off really smooth – I’m pretty sure deadbeat guys across the world would have been so proud of me – and  made a big deal about it and am sure I made her feel as bad as I’d hoped during my break up speech. I used the situation as a way out of the relationship. Should I feel bad? I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now.

Class Act Hypocrite

Dear Class Act Hypocrite,

CaughtSadly I must tell you that you really can’t blame her for doing what she did. If you haven’t been intimate with her, she found a way to tend to her needs just like you did with those other people.

What you’re probably feeling right now is guilt (for being such a hypocrite), cowardly (for not being honest about your feelings), shame (for leading this chick on) and relief (for finally being free from the burden of a meaningless relationship).  If you’re not feeling any of these things then I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you because you should be feeling all of these things.  I hope this answers your question.

Now on the flip side, I wouldn’t be opposed to you throwing yourself a victory party. There is nothing worse than playing house with someone you feel shouldn’t be sitting at the table. You may miss her for a minute though. If you’ve been seeing her for six months (shaking my head at you), then you ought to be used to having her around (like people are used to having dogs and goldfish nearby).  Let that marinate for a moment.

Anyway, chin up! What’s done is done.

Congratulations on your recent freedom! You no longer have to hide the truth from the person who’s been lying to you.

Congratulations on finding a successful way out of a losing situation, with all of its deceitful glory!

And finally, congratulations for not getting caught doing the same sneaky shit this girl got caught doing!

You got lucky. Try not to make this a habit.

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