Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of August 24-30, 2014

Find out what’s in the cards for you this week.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

You may be 100 years old but you don’t look a day over gorgeous. Of course, if you’re looking at yourself in the mirror, once you reach a certain age the eyes are the first things to go.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Cereal eaten out of a trophy bowl tastes like victory with raisins.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Ten thousand cows and yet only one good side of beef. Think about that for a minute.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Never flip the bird to anyone you can’t outrun.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Always drink beer while waiting to view a wine list. It shows class.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

There’s no sport better than hockey. You get to hurt guys and people clap.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

If you’re too busy obsessing over someone else’s life, there is most likely something missing from yours.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Tomorrow you will meet a new friend; one that everyone can actually see.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

More homes are destroyed by arguments (and no chicken in the freezer) than fire.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

You are only young ONCE. If you act foolish after that you have to find a better excuse.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

A modest person won’t blow his “knows” in public.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Benefit the world by synchronizing your tongue with your brain.

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Quote of the week:    “A good business to stay out of is that of another person.”

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