Sometimes your good luck just may be headed in the wrong direction.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Though you may be out of the frying pan and into the fire, you may want to stick around to see how things pan out. If not in your favor, that frying pan can be used as an impacting weapon.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Someone is going to love and cherish a gift you purchase for them forever. Just make sure it’s returnable.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Stop being who you’re supposed to be and start being who you really are – two-faced.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Everyone loves your new fragrance. It’s called YESTERDAY.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
You will convince someone to do anything you want them to do by bribing them with and old tube of chap stick and all of the change in your pocket.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Soft Fudge or Rocky Road? What do you mean “or“?
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
You may expose yourself to certain dangers. Be sure not to flash your private parts in front of open flames or flaming queens.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Your mood swings may be more dramatic than usual; AKA, your multiple personalities are a bit out of control. Eat a Snickers. You’re not yourself when you don’t have a Snickers.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
You must not allow yourself to be associated with someone who is doing things in a way that is unacceptable. Ahh, who are we kidding? You must not allow yourself to be associated with someone who is doing things in a way that you wouldn’t do them. It’s your way or the highway. This will probably explain why you’ll be dining alone all week.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
You can get a great deal by mixing and mingling with those in charge – PIMPS.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
The more you realize your own motives, the more you’ll understand why there is a band of midgets waiting to jump you in a parking lot.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
You should be able to get yourself out of a tight spot with a little quick thinking, a pack of unsalted butter and a bus token to nowhere. Imagination, lying and bribery are your keys to a safe house.
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Quote of the week: “Each of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm. When we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike.” ― Maya Angelou
