Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of Dec. 28, 2014-Jan. 2, 2015

Thanks

WELCOME TO THE LAST HORRORSCOPE OF 2014

I hope I’ve made someone feel a little less stupid over the course of the year.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

What’s the point of being a ninja if you can’t beat people up for robbing your friends?

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

When things are looking down, sit yourself down on the nearest swiveling chair and spin. If that doesn’t raise a smile, then I’m all out of ideas.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Consequence for good reason leads to consequence.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Don’t throw stones at glass houses unless your glass is bulletproof.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Don’t let those who only say “no” keep you from borrowing money you have no intention of paying back. Nobody likes a quitter. Stay strong with your broke ass.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Give yourself and those around you your best belch ever!

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Today is a bad underarm hair day.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Did you know you don’t have to know everything in order to take advantage of what you do know?

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

You may have trouble dealing with those who stubbornly don’t know how right you are all the time.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Contrary to popular belief, you do have more personality than a pair of curtains. Not much, but more.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

See how well you do impressing someone by being who they think you are based on your Facebook statuses.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Many of your emotions have been plagiarized by others who have no idea how you feel.

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Quote of the week:    “Going to the movies is an excellent way to spend your final hours. I mean final hours of the day. Obviously not of your life.”

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