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I’ve been seeing this guy for about 5 months or so and as clear as the day is 24 hours, we are not on the same page in terms of what a relationship is and isn’t. We don’t see eye to eye on ANYTHING except sex. When I mention anything about our differences I’m labeled as being “extra” (you know, someone that does too much). Even in private we don’t start off on the same page. I adapted to our communication imbalance, but I think I deserve more. And even though our sex amazing, he’s always the first one “satisfied.” I’ve brought this up numerous times only to receive the following response each time: “It’s all about you, isn’t it? I mean, didn’t you c*m? What’s the problem?”
I keep telling myself – and I keep being told by others – that I need to beat my feet and stop beating this dead horse, but I think there is potential for this relationship…maybe. What do you think?
Selfish in the City
Dear Selfish in the City,
Be careful not to settle for the wrong reason(s). If you are only happy or satisfied sexually, then it sounds to me that your relationship is or should be labeled as “bump buddies” or “friends with benefits” or some sort of business arrangement that involves free ass and no money exchange. Personally if you ask me, any hooker on the street would slap your forehead for willingly and continuously being screwed without an emotional connection or money exchange. I’m just saying.
You’re not going to settle comfortably with anyone unless you see eye to eye on [most] things outside of the bedroom, back seat of a car, public bathroom…whatever. Do you want to settle with someone who isn’t meeting your needs or entertaining your non-sexual desires? Or someone who always nuts before you? Really? That’s how you want to spend the rest of your life? Do you want a Mr. Right or are you okay with a Mr. Right Now(?), because the picture you’re painting is a portrait of Mr. Right Now.
- Is he the only fish in the sea?
- Is the sex that good? Damn!
- Is he the best you can do?
- Do you think you have no more to offer than good booty?
The longer you sell yourself short, the more complacent you’ll continue to be in this half-assed relationship or whatever you want to call it.
You have a choice: (1) Either you get off your bump and find someone that can meet your expectations of the heart and mind or (2) continue to be screwed by dudes that’s only interested in f*cking.
If you look at it from that perspective you don’t need my opinion or anyone else’s for that matter. You know what you need to do. If old boy is being this difficult, Sweetheart, he’s not emotionally invested.
It’s time for you to be selfish about what you need rather than letting someone else be selfish about what they want from you. If it’s the sex that’s keeping you around, that’s an easy problem to fix just by visiting your local Pleasure Palace and picking up a couple of adult toys. It may not be as satisfying as the real thing but it’ll get the job done while you search for what you’re looking for.
“The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.”
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