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I took a field trip to the bathroom down the hall from my office only to be disappointed by the fact that the same fat, foul smelling guy has been in there for 40 minutes stinking up the place. A few of my mustache hairs fell out when I opened the door. Is there an appropriate way to ask for a time limitation on the use of the company bathroom?
Up to Here with That
Dear Up to Here with That,
C’mon man, be reasonable. If you were full of shit, would you want someone to limit the amount of time it takes for you get your pipes clean? I think the rational answer to this question is NO. Also, NO there is no appropriate way to ask for a time limitation on the use of the company bathroom. What are you, 6 years old?
When you were in grade school, didn’t your teacher give you a preposterous 3 minutes to use the john, assuming you didn’t have to drop a bomb in the commode? And when that teacher gave you those laughable 3 minutes, were you in control of time or did your shit have a mind of its own?
Asking someone to limit the time use of the company bathroom will come back to bite you in the ass (no pun intended) the next time you overload on Taco Bell, Chipotle or McDonald’s. How would you feel if you had a guard standing outside of your bathroom stall with a stop watch? I’m pretty sure you’d feel embarrassed and ready to fight. You’d also feel like you need to look for a new job after having even considered that someone (meaning your stall guard) would joke with his friends over lunch or during an inappropriate email exchange about whatever it was that crawled inside your stomach and died.
If you can’t wait for the bathroom to be free and clear of all bodies except your own so that you can pee or shit in peace and private, then you need to hold your mess and hope your intestines don’t explode or carry an adult diaper, a can of extra strength air spray, a large smell-proof bucket, a change of clothes, and a box of consideration.
Quote of the Week: “Here I sit broken-hearted; Paid a dime but only farted. Next time I will take my chance; Save a dime and crap my pants!
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