Karma’s middle name is Wench.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
If your girlfriend seems to be less attentive to your needs lately, you probably need to deflate her and blow her up again later.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Never loan any money you can’t afford to give away to someone you can’t beat up.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
What were you thinking? You know what? You weren’t thinking because if you were thinking you never would have thought of this.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Always remember to be professional when your shirt is off.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
Never throw out the bath water because five people used it. Back in the day that was called a Jacuzzi.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
U would have done just as well if you’d have gone to locksmith college.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Wearing navy blue and black at the same time is bad luck.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Don’t eat stuffed cabbage too close to an oven’s pilot light.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
If breakfast was a holiday, bacon would be the turkey.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
You are two biscuits away from looking like you’ve had injections in your cheeks.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
A mummy is just some old Egyptian guy dressed in an economy sized roll of Charmin toilet paper.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
You know it’s good advice when you’re still confused afterwards.
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Quote of the week: “You are not required to set yourself on fire just to warm someone else up.”
