Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of March 1-7, 2015

funny-quote-luck-life

Find out what your luck has in store for you this week…

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Never eat a tuna fish sandwich you find abandoned on a bus.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

A compulsive liar will tell you that you are the most beautiful creature they’ve ever seen.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Casting a vote on American Idol doesn’t exactly make you political.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Don’t play chicken with a turkey.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Why don’t you put your running shoes on and get to the point.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

You can spit, and swear, and even use the Lord’s name in vain; but you can never walk into anyone’s house and call their Oreo cookies junk food.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

You want to borrow some money but none of your friends can afford to loan you any money they don’t spend on lottery tickets.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

In today’s society, big nipples mean power and respect.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

It’s never as cold as you think when you can just pee a little to keep warm.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Don’t bother to change. Someone is willing to forget you just the way you are.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You haven’t lived until you’ve tasted a lobster with two tails and eyebrows.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

When you want to fly with eagles, don’t dress like a turtle.

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Quote of the week:    “Why fatten the frog for the snake?”

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