Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of April 5-11, 2015

DidntKnow

Never tease an armed midget with a high-five.

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Trust your ability to lie more than someone else’s ability to forgive.

____________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

The only literature worth reading is any magazine that allows Elvis to speak from the grave.

____________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

A lifetime supply of foot powder will come in handy one day soon.

____________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

Be on the lookout. A reprieve is coming your way. It will be in some form of peanut butter.

____________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Someone will never forget the night they never met you.

____________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

 You know what stinks? You don’t have any ‘move about’ options with pooping like you do with peeing, unless of course you’re a puppy.

____________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

You can’t even do wrong right.

____________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

Never play boomerang with a bent fork.

____________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

You’re seriously thinking about cabbage patches and onion rings. Today is not a good day to make a random purchase while hanging with hip hop midgets.

____________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

Anticipation plays a major role in the failure of your deodorant.

____________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You may have the feeling that those around you don’t have their shit together any more than you do, which only supports your theory that you live in a fucked up world; either that or your roommate is skipping out on paying his/her half of the rent to buy economy-sized oodles and noodles and isn’t sharing with you. That also proves you live in a fucked up world.

____________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Laughter can do a great deal for you except when you’re giving a eulogy for an adolescent neighbor’s pet gerbil.

_________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:   “The comfort of the rich depends upon an abundant supply of the poor.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s