This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

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Dear Hottywood,

My girlfriend and I got into a huge argument last night over my attitude. Well apparently to her I had an attitude. To me, I was stressed out, horny and haven’t smoked any Mary Jane in about a week. Now she thinks there’s more to my last night’s mood than I told her. I want to get back in her good graces but I’m fearful that another argument will ensue because of her doubt in my truth. Help!

I Didn’t Mean To

Dear I Didn’t Mean To,

I most certainly can understand your reasons for bitching out on your girl. But I’m a man. Understanding my fellow brutha’s disgust over no ass or weed is in my DNA. It’s in every man’s DNA. Whatever you did, my brutha, I know you didn’t do it. 

Right_WrongWhat you have to realize is that women think much more broadly than men. To her, your stress or mood swing(s) – I’m sure – had something to do with something she did (in her eyes) or even another woman who is now causing you to react funky towards your current lady. I can almost bet that’s the direction your conversation/argument took. No matter how much or how hard you try to convince her that your mood has nothing to do with what she thinks, it’s all about what she thinks. You are not in the equation. You are merely the ass that’s fuqing everything up. I really can’t tell you what to do to change her mind because chances are her final thoughts about what’s going on in your head are set in stone.

Whatever she does or says, just tell her she’s right – even if you think she’s as wrong as two left shoes. Take her out to dinner at McDonald’s and tell her no bitch can pull off some pumps like she can. Even if her shoes are old ratty Reebok classics with lip stick stains all over them.  She may still think your behavior is bitch-like, but she’ll ease up on trying to make you feel or look like a butthole. A little testosterone giving in to estrogen power goes a long way. Problem solved. …for now anyway.

Good luck, buddy. And I hope you get some ass and chronic soon.

Hottywood

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