Embrace Your Alter Ego: Tell the Real World to Fuq Off

Alter egos.  Everyone has one.  The other side of who you portray yourself to be to the real world.  By day you are a hard working, over- or underachiever; however by night you are someone the world only knows in the darkness of shadows.  A weapons toting, ass kicking somebody who takes no bullshit and even more, takes no prisoners!

We all have our days when we want to take over the world, fight a few villains, or even destroy the good guys in hopes that no one can thwart out dastardly plans for global domination.  We may even want to use our magical powers to invade a Popeye’s franchise chicken delivery. Who knows? These are some of the thoughts we think as we sit in church and try to listen to the preacher who’s making absolutely no sense whatsoever because he can’t stick to one subject; or the supervisor who’s turning the staff meeting into a slow session of watching paint dry; or the cashier who’s overcharging all of the customers who are waiting in what seems to be the longest line ever at the grocery store.

Alter Ego

At the best times possible, and sometimes at the very worst, our alto egos take control of our bodies and tell reality to fuq off in the worst way — or the best.  It all depends on the character you play and the tricks you have up your sleeve.  So who’s your alter ego?


James Bond

Debonair; suave; cut throat. 

You will do whatever it takes to own your success and destroy your competition. You’ll always spend a pretty penny and shag the most shaggable beauties.  You are uninhibited, ruthless, clever, mysterious, and like all things that go BOOM.  You are attracted to expensive price tags (which include posh clothes, fast cars, loose women and quality chronic).  You kick ass first and ask questions later.  Everyone wants to be you and you know it.  Your shit doesn’t stink. You are the type to approach all things with style and winning is your only option.  You like your situations like you like your drinks: Shaken, not stirred.


Rorschach (Watchmen)

Mysterious; clever; inquisitive.

Everything serves a purpose and you are inquisitorial enough to search for a deeper meaning.  You remain neutral and are usually prematurely underestimated.  Although you are the type of person that follows a set of black-and-white values that take many shapes and never mix into shades of gray, you have a colorful past that shapes who you are – and you don’t give a shit who likes it or not. You see existence as random and are free to scrawl your own design on a morally blank world (you do you).  You also keep most of your business to yourself and will punch the daylights out of anyone who crosses you unnecessarily, especially if it means getting to the bottom line.  You are one to beware of.


Spiderman

Underestimated; innocently cocky; intuitive. 

You are a typical person who fights a battle for good and are aware that with great power comes great responsibility.  You’re a slight pushover – otherwise known as a bitch if you fuq with the wrong person in the right hood. Generally, you are the type that deals with your own personal struggles, just like the common man. However you put your problems to the side to carry the load of every one else, especially when it comes time to beat that bully’s ass for calling you bitch while you were cruising in the wrong neighborhood.   Though you are an aide for the world around you, you strive to figure out your own self-worth.  Sometimes you can lose yourself in your own head. You would much rather avoid a fight, but are more capable of beating the living shit out of your opponent than anyone realizes.


Wonder Woman

Noble; fine as hell; feminine.

You are a princess – the type of person who fights for a just cause.  You are honorable, fair and believe in equal justice for all.  You are true to yourself and your heritage and are certain that a woman can do anything just as well as any man.  Dressed in your finest Victoria’s Secrets, you are also undeniably sexy, feminine and can throw a mean left hook!  Be cautious of your competition because there are many women (and men) who would love to be just like you, even if it means taking you out to gain control of your crown.  That’s why you carry a golden lasso, so you can choke a bitch when he/she forgets that Princess Diana is a Queen B.


Catwoman

Cunning; conniving; untamed; fem lesbian. 

You are seemingly shy without your mask, however by night you are skank in spandex!  You walk a thin line between good and evil and use your feminine wilds to gain control over the weakness of men and female studs.  You love animals and have a soft spot for the defense of them.  You will do whatever is necessary to get what you want and take down anyone who stands in your way.  You have a smart ass mouth, a killer body, an overwhelming sense of self confidence while donning your spandex and always rock a bad ass pair of 6” stilettos.  You are more than likely to have corns on all of your toes. You do not take orders or play well with others.  You also have the ability to smell bullshit and cabbage a mile away.


Xena the Warrior Princess

Sexual; butch; manipulative.

You are on a quest to seek redemption for your past sins as a ruthless scallywag in thigh-high Timberland boots.  You stand for all things good, but you will rip a mutha-effer to shreds who opposes you.  You are sexual, controlling, defensive, smug and never underestimated!  Some people run from you, others are intrigued by you, yet you are phased by nothing or anyone.  You are bisexual versatile, multi-talented, open minded and very dark.  Your past shapes who you are and condemns you at the same time.  Either way, you are definitely not to be fuqed with.  You are one baaaad bitch!   And it hurts all so good.


It doesn’t take much imagination to embrace your alter ego.  All it takes is a little effort and imagination. 


Quote of the week:   “We’ve always been ready for female superheroes. Because women want to be them and men want to do them.”

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