Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

If in heaven we don’t meet, hand in hand we’ll bear the heat. And if it ever gets too hot, Pepsi Cola hits the spot.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Do the stuff that you used to do that you don’t do like you used to.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Something happened a couple of weeks ago. You think it was a Tuesday, but it was raining so you can’t recall.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

A nickel is bigger but a dime is worth more.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

The only thing worse than guilt is fear of getting caught.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Life was so much simpler when there was only chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Try as you may but the secret you keep is known to the one you hide it from the most.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

On Thursdays you use guns to describe philosophical concepts, approximately four minutes after you’ve looked up the correct spelling of “philosophical.”

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Your kneecaps are hairier than anyone you know. This characteristic sets you apart from most.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

You have an ability to hold grudges over things that never happened.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

The letters DM will get you in a lot of trouble.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You are liable to pick small fights with children and moon people at weddings.

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Quote of the week:  “Transparency increases the cost of hiding the truth. More efficient interactivity exposes truths that have to be inexpensive to hide.”