Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of September 13-19, 2015

bad-luck

Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.


Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

You will almost find a psychic partner but they will leave you before you meet.


Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

There is some crap up with which you will not put.


Pisces

February 19 – March 20

In everyone’s life there is a teacher that can be bribed with lunch.


Aries

March 21 – April 19

Missing the toilet seat is your way of giving back to your community and the pissy people in it.


Taurus

April 20 – May 20

There is a strong chance you may be caught in a love triangle between two guys named Ben & Jerry.


Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Speaking in tongues has nothing to do with French kissing.


Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Today’s stupidity will be the reason behind tomorrow’s tax fraud investigation.


Leo

July 23 – August 22

Rubbing your thighs together during a power outage could save your life.


Virgo

August 23 – September 22

This week, talking to you will run neck and neck in purpose as ironing a shirt that was intentionally made to be wrinkled.


Libra

September 23 – October 22

If it is for you it will be blessed. If not, know the signs and purchase a giant sling shot. It may come in handy.


Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Things could be worse. You could have the job of a roll of toilet paper.


Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Accidentally pouring sour milk in a bowl of Lucky Charms negates the cereal’s name.


Quote of the week:  “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

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