Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
December 22 – January 19
You will almost find a psychic partner but they will leave you before you meet.
January 20 – February 18
There is some crap up with which you will not put.
February 19 – March 20
In everyone’s life there is a teacher that can be bribed with lunch.
March 21 – April 19
Missing the toilet seat is your way of giving back to your community and the pissy people in it.
April 20 – May 20
There is a strong chance you may be caught in a love triangle between two guys named Ben & Jerry.
May 21 – June 20
Speaking in tongues has nothing to do with French kissing.
June 21 – July 22
Today’s stupidity will be the reason behind tomorrow’s tax fraud investigation.
July 23 – August 22
Rubbing your thighs together during a power outage could save your life.
August 23 – September 22
This week, talking to you will run neck and neck in purpose as ironing a shirt that was intentionally made to be wrinkled.
September 23 – October 22
If it is for you it will be blessed. If not, know the signs and purchase a giant sling shot. It may come in handy.
October 23 – November 21
Things could be worse. You could have the job of a roll of toilet paper.
November 22 – December 21
Accidentally pouring sour milk in a bowl of Lucky Charms negates the cereal’s name.
Quote of the week: “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”