The World May Never Know

Door number two

I’m going to pick door number 2 for $200, Alex.


Quote of the week:  The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. ~Julia Child  

Click HERE to see what others are asking

or dial

(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column


TUAC Cover

Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,

“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist”

 

Advertisements

Quote of the Day

Quote-of-the-day-310x224

“There’s nothing more dangerous than a man taking pride in the wrong thing.” 


Quote of the week:   “Every perfect person has a flaw.  And that flaw is not accepting that nobody’s perfect.” 

Click HERE to see what others are asking

or dial

(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column


TUAC Cover

Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,

“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist”

 

Three Things Every Man Should Remember as He Grows Older

There are three things every man should remember as he grows older.

man-texting-310x415
**!**
(1) Never walk by a bathroom without making a pit stop. 
(2) Never ignore an erection. 
(3) Never underestimate a fart. 

You’re welcome.


Quote of the week:   “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” 


Click HERE to see what others are asking

or dial

(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column


 

TUAC Cover

Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,

“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist”

 

What Valentine’s Day is All About

Today is Valentine’s Day – the day for spouses and fornicating significant others and side pieces and online sex hook uppers. Today is the day when 90% of the planet’s population get cavities or lose their teeth altogether; when cupids all over the world are gunned down by water guns filled with bleach or B.B. guns loaded with anthrax coated pellets; when dogs in residential neighborhoods hop the fences of their backyards to hump any bitch with four legs; when single people hide under rocks or disconnect their cell phones or purposely not log onto FaceBook.

To some people today is the day of love, romance, sugar, spice and everything replicated on the all-Triple X channel (which of course means humping until you drop). To others it’s the day they are reminded their sex appeal lacks what it needs to get them laid.

Whatever today is for you, make the most of it. Celebrate your love – even the ones you rent by the hour. Feel yourself up if you don’t have anyone to share this day with, and eat a lot of chocolate.

Because everybody knows Valentine’s Day means nothing at all without chocolate.



TUAC Cover

Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,

“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist”

Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of February 7-13, 2016

flying cat

Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.


Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

There is a difference between butterflies and bubble guts.


Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

A gentleman’s name should only appear in a newspaper three times: (1) When he’s born; (2) When he’s married and; (3) When he dies.


Pisces

February 19 – March 20

People come and go, but carryout wings are forever.


Aries

March 21 – April 19

Your idea of fine foods may involve some form of hot dogs.


Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Never let the one you love go away without saying something nice about their nipple pasties.


Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Your blatant dishonesty may cause some problems some time around high noon.


Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Sadly, this week you have no special skills not involving a broomstick and a cauldron.


Leo

July 23 – August 22

Your shoes will smell like they were born on your feet.


Virgo

August 23 – September 22

You will become repulsive the older you grow and the bags under your eyes will look bleak. But you’ll save 50 bucks on your car insurance.


Libra

September 23 – October 22

It may be time to give up on your fantasy of meeting Rush Limbaugh in person.


 

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Tomorrow evening, check career opportunities at McDonald’s.


Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Your closest friends enjoy having parties that are kept secret from you and your co-workers often mimic your poor posture. Today is a good day to spiral curl your pubic hair.


Quote of the week:  “From bad customs good proverbs are born.”

Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of January 31-February 6, 2016

Chuck It

Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.


 

Today’s HORRORscopes goes to all of the zodiac signs. You can thank me later.

Sincerely,

~Hottywood


Click HERE to see what others are asking

or dial

(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column


TUAC Cover

Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,

“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist”