Guys and gals, welcome to Spring; a change of season and a transition of a host of things that transcend from bad to worse. Don’t get me wrong, we say goodbye to a lot of things we can do without however not without sacrifices. After all, life is about sacrifices, right?
Strap your seat belts tight, kids ’cause this bound to be a bumpy ride.
It’s so amazing how a simple thing like warm weather can inspire foot trends. Not too long ago boots were the only thing that kept us grounded when skating on thin ice. They were the must-have of the time! In fact, if you weren’t wearing boots then your feet deserved to freeze.
Boots were necessary, safe and warm. And since it looked like the snow wasn’t going to melt overnight, people were forced to adapt their own personal style to the trend and the weather.
The snow brought on, I must admit, quite a few interesting choices of onion peels for foot hidery (yeah, I made up a word). But as chemistry, biology, or one of those “ologies” proves, fire always melts ice which all boils down to this one thing…Spring; the middle ground of fashion, where everyone is too damned confused to know what the hell to wear on their feet. And just like that we’re stuck with socks & sandals, stupid gladiator boots and poorly maintained pedicures.
Regretfully, the buck doesn’t stop there.
If you think you were befuddled by people who put their underwear on public display now… Good gawd a’reckon! To put it as professionally as I possibly can: “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Jeans, sweatpants, booty shorts, mini skirts…I don’t care how the package is wrapped, everyone is guaranteed to see the goods. Now I won’t go into all the specifics of the number of sanitation issues, privacy act violations, suggestive and just plain ol’ T.M.I. stuff this raises.
Whatever the case, political or not, when you’re talking about people’s underwear, it’s always a big fat case of, “Oh Crap!”
…No pun intended.
What would Spring be without the hippest trend of the season, motorcycles? It’s true you can’t wear a motorcycle, but these days it seems everyone and their grandmother has one of those artistically designed, loud and obnoxious accessories that anyone without envies.
Let’s face it; bikes are going to be everywhere. For guys, they are babe magnets. And most ordinary dudes usually can’t resist a hot biker chick. Something about her straddling the back of the bike with her arms wrapped tightly around the driver’s waist, only a slight notch away from a pornographic scene seems to get everyone all riled up.
Beware though. Where there are bikes, bikers, and biker babes, there’s always an accident or two just waiting for its spot of 15 minutes of fame to be aired on the local news at 11 channel.
If the bike accident isn’t enough for you, if you see one too many ass cracks parlaying in the wind, you’d just might want to gouge your eyeballs out. Either accident can be considered terrifyingly amusing to watch, not to mention news worthy.
Love it or leave…that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
I heard someone say once, “…if you fall off a horse, you have to get back on it.”
I wonder if the same rule applies if one survives a bike crash?
We could probably go on about the lameness of Spring that would include April showers, allergies, flip flops, shorts & jackets, skull caps & tank tops and booty shorts with stockings. But if we keep going now, we’ll spoil all the surprises Summer has in store for us. And if there’s one thing I hate to do, it’s a spoil a surprise.
So as I pack my bags and prepare to bid you a fond farewell until the next time we meet, I’d like to leave you with this thought: Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every few months.
Lucky for us all 90% of any effort is getting started.
At least we know there’s one thing that’s guaranteed not to be any different from the Spring prior to this, and that’s the same lame game as last year.
Quote of the Week: “Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
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