It’s never easy to accept when a relationship is over, whether you are effected by the disruption or the cause of it. Luckily for you,
This little quiz will help you to realize how much BS you are able to endure from your mate before finally packing your overnight bag and running for the border.
Be warned that the truth hurts, but in the end hurt never felt so good.
When you are tired of hearing the sound of your mate’s voice, do you:
- Spend all your time in the bathroom flushing the toilet repeatedly to drown out your partner’s voice?
- Remove all the writing utensils from the house and then tell your partner to write down everything it is they have to say?
- Resort to a telephone call using sign language?
- Threaten to never have sex with your partner again if they don’t shut up?
- Suffocate them with a bunch of Safeway bags?
- None of the above. No one will date me.
When you stop trusting your partner, do you:
- Replace every telephone number in their address book with that of the city morgue?
- Eat a spoonful of quick drying cement, French kiss them and become permanently joined at the lips?
- Cheat on your mate with as many people as you can in an effort to be an even bigger whore than you believe them to be?
- Put caramel in the seat of all of their underwear?
- Eat a bag of Funyons just before it’s time to do the grown up?
- None of the above. My mate dumped me for a midget gypsy pole dancer.
When your partner makes goo-goo eyes at the restaurant waiter/waitress for an extra free basket of bread, do you:
- Get the server fired by insisting to the restaurant manager that the particular server stars in a recurring role of ‘America’s Next Top Pimp’s Bitch’?
- Jump in your partner’s lap and dry hump them during the dessert course?
- Blindfold your partner with a handful of burnt spaghetti?
- Openly discuss the furry mole that’s growing around your partner’s waxed nipples?
- Order the most expensive thing on the menu [to-go], then end the relationship dramatically while stiffing your partner for the bill.
- None of the above. My partner can no longer eat solid foods because I broke his/her jaw bone the last time he/she flirted with someone else.
If your partner perceives you as a moron, is it because you:
- Don’t know the telephone number for 9-1-1?
- Own a drawer full of the same pairs of mismatched socks?
- April Fool’s Day jokes are played on you every day?
- Attempt to pay your speeding tickets with an EBT card?
- Can never find ‘To Wong Fu’ on the Chinese take-out menu?
- None of the above. My mate is just as much of a moron as I am.
You are probably not relationship material if you:
- Communicate with the voices in your head more than you do with actual people.
- Think a third wheel in a relationship has anything to do with a tricycle.
- Would rather make love while watching a Dominos Pizza commercial rather than a skin flick with the words ‘Butts, Boobs and Butternut Squash’ in the title.
- Think Dorothy was a genius for walking into a forest full of lions, tigers and bears.
- Believe the shortest month of the year would not be so short if it wore high heels.
- None of the above. The cleavage on my back seems to be a real turn-off to people so I already I’ll never be considered as relationship material.
Click HERE to see what others are asking
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column
Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,