What I Am Not Going To Do in 2019

As we approach a new year, I am reminded of the old saying “new year; new me” – and to be honest, it means absolutely nothing to me! As I have done all throughout 2018 and pretty much every year dating back to that one Thursday afternoon some time back in the late 90s, I’m going to be the same sometime-asshole I’ve always been.

I’m going to have the same inappropriate humor I’ve always had. I’m going to keep eating all the wrong stuff while lying about my frequent gym visits. I’m going to continue to voice my opinions about people that wear black belts with brown shoes. I’m going to keep right on minding my own business unless someone is actually paying me to care about something that does not directly involve me.

I’m not changing my route to a job I’m probably going to be late to every day. I’m not sharing my personal business with anyone at any water cooler. Ever. I’m not returning text messages with phone calls. I’m not getting my hair cut by midgets or pissing off anyone in the food industry responsible for the healthiness of my unhealthy food selections. I’m not going to stop telling little white lies and I’m not going to start caring about people that think I lie too much. I’m not deleting anyone’s number out of my contacts list because truth be told I hardly reach out to anyone as it is.

Though I don’t believe all humans are a total buzz kill, I’m not going to start liking them before 10am and will hold closely my right to not particularly care for them after 10am if I so choose.

I’m pretty sure I still won’t be able to pay my bills with the opinions of others, and no matter how awesome I am (and I’m pretty awesome a lot) I’m still not going to be good enough for someone, so why waste effort being a better me because it sounds good to someone whose standards I’m never going to meet any way?

What I am going to do in 2019 is continue not trying to fix something that isn’t broken.