Real Talk


“My dress socks keep slouching down to my ankles. I thought you’d like to know. Continue with your lives, Earthlings.” – Hottywood Helps

“Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers. That doesn’t include motherfuckers. You all have your own day.” – Hottywood Helps

“Here we go with these one-word texts messages again. Grown folks should have more on their mind than one word. I have two – GROW UP.” – Hottywood Helps

“Alcohol is the devil’s juice and this morning I feel like hell.” – Hottywood Helps

“Pimples and weight gain are an even exchange for an all-cake diet.” – Hottywood Helps

“Don’t give anyone an opportunity to fuck you over unless they are paying up front.” – Hottywood Helps

“If you must monopolize a conversation, make sure you are aware that the more you speak, the less interesting you become.” – Hottywood Helps

“I have everything in my emergency preparedness kit except for a pack of grape jelly. Now what am I going to do if the world comes to an end tomorrow?” – Hottwood Helps

“Turkey Hill is to beverages what the North Pole is to presents.” – Hottywood Helps

“God and Mrs. Cafeteria Lady joined forces to bring me fried chicken & mashed potatoes!” – Hottywood Helps

“I don’t like people that don’t respect proper escalator etiquette.” – Hottywood Helps

“Sometimes I want to take a female’s faux eyelashes and put them in a jar to see if they turn into butterflies.” – Hottywood Helps

“I’m not friends with anyone that pronounces the “s” in Illinois.” – Hottywood Helps

“Every day is National Pancake Day.” – Hottywood Helps

“Doing anything for four straight hours other than having sex is equivalent to stepping on someone’s brand new white tennis shoes at the night club.” – Hottywood Helps

“I used to complain about being 28 eleven times, but I guess being OVER the hill is better than being UNDER it.” – Hottywood Helps

“I do this little thing called Whatever the Hell I Want.” – Hottywood Helps

“I may not always be right. But I’m never wrong.” – Hottywood Helps

“I wasn’t an American Idol fan until that girl fell on stage last night.” – Hottywood Helps

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