Can You Out-Snob a Snob?

As much as some of us hate to admit it, every single one of us has a little bit of snob in us. There are the hidden snobs that prefer bottled water over tap; the snobs that prefer “loud” over “bush”; the snobs that prefer lager over malt; snobs that prefer to eat their Snickers and pizza slices with a fork rather than using their fingers; snobs that refuse to wear the same thing twice (including wearing underwear two days in a row); snobs that won’t use public restroom facilities even though their stomachs are all but imploding from bubble-gut-itis; snobs that prefer one-on-on sex over group sex; snobs that prefer 7-11 hot dogs over vendor stand hot dogs; snobs that only eat a certain kind of ketchup or mayonnaise; snobs that are too good to bag someone else’s groceries for a living or take a food order as a drive-thru clerk; snobs that won’t eat a potato chip three seconds after it’s been dropped on the floor; snobs that judge people by the color of their shoe strings; snobs that…aw hell, you get the point! There are a whole bunch of snobs in the world. If you are able to lay your eyes on any person, then you are looking at a snob. But hold up…the same rule applies if another person can lay their eyes upon your snobbish ass!

Given this truth, it is always entertaining to watch a snob out-snob a snob.

There really is no point to this post except to remind us all that no one is perfect or any better than another. Everyone has issues; everyone has baggage; everyone has flaws. But it’s the snob in us that won’t admit those issues, bags or flaws out loud. Instead we’d rather wait and take offense when another snob airs out our dirty laundry. Do you see what I’m talking about? The snob in us won’t allow us to be honest with ourselves.

Endora (from Bewitched) said it best when she chanted the spell:

“…on the count of three we will see what a snob this clod can be.”

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If You Spell “We” and “Team” with an “I”, Then…

I’m sure somewhere over the years we’ve talked about self-absorbed people that only find the time to discuss their needs and wants [only]; “I need a new weave.”; “I need to get laid by the whole cheerleading team.”; “I want a donut (well who can blame them).”; “I want a nickname like Lindsay Lohan’s Firecrotch.”; “I want to never ever sing like Aaron Neville.” Cry me a river, why don’t you?

Well I’ve got one for you. Actually I have a few of them for you. “I want you to shut the hell up.” “I want you to drive off a bridge without a car.” “I want you to stick four bran muffins in your mouth at one time and forget about a beverage to wash them down with.” “I want you to forget how to speak for 8 hours and 15 minutes.” “I want you to record yourself for a full day and then tell me you don’t get on your own damn nerves.”

This post is dedicated to all those persons that failed every vocabulary quiz in grade school and still spells the words “We” and “Team” with an “I.”

This post is dedicated to all those persons that feel there is no topic more interesting than their boring asses.

This post is dedicated to all those persons that only find friendship with a couple of the voices in their head because no one else is sober enough to listen to them talk about themselves.

This post is dedicated to…well, shit. You get the point.


Quote of the Week:  “There’s something ugly about a pretty boy who knows he’s pretty and assumes everyone else know it too.”