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Tag Archives: India Irie

Welcome to Corporate America, You Idiot

November 5, 2010 by Hottywood Helps in Advice, Office Humor and tagged Aaron Neville, acceptance, accident, accolades, account, acoustics, Acting, action, administration, Adolescence, adoption, adventure, Advice, affair, Affection, Africa, agenda, agree, agreement, alarm, alarms, alcohol, America, amusement, anatomy, angels, animal, Animals, annoying, anorexic, answers, apple, appreciation, armor, Army, arrested, art, aspirin, Ass, Assessment, asshole, assignment, assistant, associates, attention, attitutde, auto, automobile, automobiles, average, award, Babies, baby, babysitter, back off, bad breath, bad idea, bad joke, bad kids, bag, baggage, bakery, baking, bamboozle, band-aid, bandaid, bar, baseball, basics, bathroom, batteries, battle, bb gun, Beach, beaches, bed, beer, beg, beggers, Behavior, believe, BFF, bikes, bilingual, bill collector, bill collectors, Bisexual, bitch, blackmail, blah, blind, blindfold, Blog, Blogs, blood, board, Body, bomb, bond, bone, book, boots, booty call, booze, Boredom, borrow, boss, box, boxing, Boy, bra, brain, brandy, break through, breaking up, breasts, breath, bricks, broken heart, brothel, buckets, budget, buffet table, bulimia, bull, bum, bump, bungee jumping, bus, business, butt, cafeteria, cake, calories, candy, car, cards, Cars, Cashier, Casual, Cats, caught off guard, Celebration, Celebrity, Cell Phone, cell phones, change, character, Charts, chase, Cheating, Cheerleaders, cheese, Chemistry, chevrolet, Chicken, Children, choices, chores, chrylser seabrign, Church, cinema, circus, climax, clinic, cloak, clothes, clown, Clows, Club, co-workers, cocktails, Coffee, Cold, colleague, Cologne, Comedy, comfort, comfortable, comical, commercial, commitment, Commitments, Communication, Communications, community, compact cars, companionship, complexion, compliment, compromise, computer, computers, concentration, concert, Concerts, condom, Construction, Consultation, Consulting, contact, continent, conversation, convertible, cooking, cookout, corner, Cotton, country, couple's therapy, Couples, court, coworker, coworkers, crap, Crash, crazy, creativity, criticism, crossbows, crossroad, crying, cubicles, Cures, dance, dark alleys, darts, date, Dating, dating and relationships, Dear John, deceit, decision, decisions, deficit, delivery, demons, Depression, Design, designs, dessert, devil, dial tone, Diana Ross, diapers, diet, Dieting, dignity, dime, direction, director, disappointment, discount, disgruntled, disloyal, Disney, disobedience, disposition, diva, diving, divorce, dodge caravan, dog, Dogs, Dolls, don't call me I'll call you, Donald Trump, donuts, doomed, drag queen, drama, draw, drawing, drinking, drinks, driving, drunk, duct tape, dummies, Dumped, dunce, Dunkin Donuts, duty, Earth, echo, eco friendly, economics, economy, Education, EEO, eject button, ejection seat, elastic, elevators, email, emergency, emergency kit, emotion, Emotions, employee, employee of the month, employees, employer, Employment, emptiness, encourage, enemies, enemy, energizer bunny, energy, enough, Entertainment, Equal Employment Opportunity Act, escape, escort, ethnicity, etiquette, evaluation, events, eviction, evil, excuses, Exercise, expectation, explode, explosion, explosive, Eyes, face, facebook, faciities, facilities, facts, facts of life, Family, fan, farm, fart, Fashion, Fast Food, faucet, favor, Faye Dunnaway, Fear, fed up, feeling, Feelings, Feet, Female, fiance, fib, Fight, Fighting, Fights, file, files, finance, Finances, fingernail file, Fire, fired, fireman, firemen, Fitness, flashy, flattery, flirt, flirting, Food, fool, Football, ford, forest, forgetfulness, forgiveness, fragrance, frenemies, friend, Friends, friends with benefits, friendship, fruit, fuel efficient, funding, funds, Funk, Funny, furniture, gag, game, games, gang, garments, gas, gas station, Gay, gear, Geography, germs, get laid, gift, gin, Girl, glass, goals, good mood, gospel, Gossip, Gossipping, Graduation, grease, greek myth, groping, Guilty, gun, guns, hair, hair style, halloween, hamburgers, Hancock, Hand Grenades, hangnail, hangover, Happy, hard times, hardware, Hate, Hater, Haters, He's Just Not That Into You, headache, healing, Health, Heart, heart break, hearts, heaven, heights, hell, Help, Help for Hire, Help Wanted, herbs, Heterosexual, hide, high school sweetheart, hiking, hilton hotel, hire, ho, hoe, holiday, home, homelessness, honesty, Horror, hot dogs, house, housewife, housing, How-To, Human, Human Resources, Humanity, Humor, hunter, hurt, husbands, I don't care, ice cream, icing, idea, idiot, ignore, illegal tickets, immaturity, impression, India Irie, inebriated, infedility, inferior, infidelity, infomercial, information, ink, inner city, innocence, innocent, inquiry, inquisitive, insect, insecure, Inspiration, insults, intelligence, intension, interior decorating, interior decorator, Interior Design, Intimacy, intimidation, intmacy, intoxication, introvert, invasion, irritating, island, Italian, Italy, jail, Jamie Foxx, Jaws, jealousy, jeep, Jehovah's Witness, Jessica Simpson, Joan Crawford, Job, Jobs, jog, joke, Joker, Jokes, journey, judge, jumper, jury, justification, justify, karate, Katt Williams, Katy Perry, Kelis, keys, Kids, kiss, kit, knock knock jokes, Knowledge, Krispy Kreme, lactose, lamps, land, land cruiser, lap dance, laugh, laughter, lava, law, lawyer, laywer, Laziness, lazy, lecture, lend, Lesbian, Lessons, lesten, Letter, leverage, Liar, lie, lies, Life, Life & Style, light, Lil Kim, Lil Wayne, line, linen, liquor, liquor store, list, listening, literature, loan, locomotive, loins, Lonliness, lose, loser, loud, Love, loved ones, lovers, loyalty, lubrication, Luck, lunch, lush, lying, MAC, Madonna, make up, Male, Man, Management, Manager, manipulation, manner, marriage, mask, mating, matters of the heart, maturity, McDonald's, meal, mean old lady, Medical, Medicine, medieval, Medusa, Meeting, Men, metro, mice, Michael Jackson, Microsoft Works, Military, minivan, miracle, missile, mold, Mommie Dearest, Money, mono, monsters, mood, Moods, Morning, Morning People, moron, mother, Motivation, motive, mountains, mouse, mouth, Movies, Moving on, Mr. Potato Head, mug shots, Music, Muslims, muzzle, mythology, nag, Naomi Campbell, nation, nationality, natural hair, neck, neighborhood, neighborhoods, Neighbors, nerd, nerves, network, News, nice rack, ninja stars, nipples, nissan, noise, nose, nosy, nuisance, Obama, obesity, off beat, offense, Office, Office Humor, old people, one night stand, open relationship, opera, Opinion, over weight, overcoat, overworked, oxygen, P. Diddy, pad lock, pain, pal, Pancakes, panhandler, Pants, paper, paperclips, Parents, Paris Hilton, participation, parties, party, pastry, patience, patries, paycheck, payday, People, people who always complain, pep rally, perfection, Performance, performance review, Perfume, personalities, personality, pervert, pet peeves, Pets, phone, photography, pickup, Pies, pimp, pink slip, planets, planning, plate, player, plumbing, plus size, Police, Politics, pollen, poor, popcorn, pores, portrait, portraits, Potato Chips, Power, Powerpoint, prayer, premature, prenuptial agreement, presentation, prey, prison, privacy, problem, program, promiscuity, promises, promotion, prostitution, protection, Psychology, Public, puppies, purchase, purse, quality time, Questions, quitter, rabbit, race, racing, railroad, Rambo, Ranks, rant, Rants, rap star, rat, rave, Raves, reasons, reception, recognition, Rejection, relations, Relationship, Relationships, Religion, reminder, repellant, repentence, repercussions, reprimand, resources, responsibility, restaurant, restaurants, restroom, review, reviews, reward, rich, ridicule, rocket, Rocks, rodeo, roller coaster, Romance, roommate, rope, rude, Rules, rumor, running, Sabotage, sad, safety, sale, sand, Sandals, sanitation, sanitize, sarcasm, Satire, Save the Children, savings, Saw, Scales, Scary, scent, School, schools, Sci-Fi, score card, scrabble, scream, seasons, second chances, secret, Secrets, secular, security, Senior, senior citizen, sense, senses, service, setting, settle down, sewing, Sex, sexality, sexual, Sexuality, shame, Shaq, shark, sheets, Shoes, Shopping, show, Shrek, sick, sight, Signs, silence, Silly, sin, singer, single, sinuses, size matters, skank, skin, Skinny, Skinny Jeans, Sleep, Sleep Disorder, smart, smart car, smell, smoke, snake, snakes, Snow, soap operas, society, Socks, soda, solar system, sound, sound effects, soup kitchen, space, spawn, speaking, speech, speed limit, Speeding Tickets, spices, sports, spring, spy, staff, staff meeting, stall. Route 66, staple, Starbucks, Statistics, STD, stealth, steel, stomach, Straight, street, stressed, Stripper, stupid, Stupidity, Style, subordinate, suburban, success, suffering, suggestion, suicide, Sumo Wrestling, Sunday, superior, supervisor, survival, suspect, SUV, swag, swine flu, T-Pain, Tacos, tank, tap water, target practice, tattoo, Tea, Teachers, teaching, team, tears, Teenagers, Telephone, temple, temptation, tequila, termination, test, text message, texting, Thank you, the golden girls, the truth will set you free, theater, theatre, thesbian, thighs, thinking, thoughts, threat, tickets, Time, Tips, titties, tivo, toes, toilet, towing, toyota, Traffic, train, trait, transporations, transportation, trapped, Travel, trees, trend, trip, trivia, true meaning, trust, tryst, ugly, ulcer, underestimated, underwear, Unemployment, uninterested, universal, universe, unpredictable, urges, Usher, using the bathroom, utensil, Vacation, valet, validation, vaseline, vehicle, verb, victim, victory, Videos, views, violence, visual, vodka, volcano, volkswagon, voodoo, vows, vulnerability, Waffles, waiter, waitress, wallet, Want Ads, war, Water, water cooler, wealth, weapon, Weapons, Weather, weight, weight loss, what if, Whitney Houston, who cares, whore, wicca, wig, wings, winner, winning, wireless, witchcraft, Witches, wives, Woman, Women, woods, work, world, worry, wrangler, wrap, wreck, Wrestling, wrinkles, writing, xerox, Youtube | 11 Comments

Are you an office employee who is surrounded by idiots?  Do your superiors bury you 6ft. under a pile of files? 

___________________________________________________________

THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU’RE NOT ALONE. 

THE BAD NEWS IS NO ONE CARES.

____________________________________________________

Employees across the nation damn near pull their hair out from the overwhelming stress of answering other people’s phone calls; cleaning up someone else’s mess; or having all of their brilliant ideas stolen from coworkers who are too stupid to even remember their own last name.  But not you!  You’re the only genius who doesn’t make the time to find a better gig.  And while all of your office mates are surfing the net in search for better job locations, higher paying promotions and bigger employee benefits, you get to sit at your desk and do all of their work that they refuse to do themselves. 

Welcome to corporate America!  

Little must you know, while you’re smiling at all of the office suite passersby and executive officials who roam back and forth pass your desk to pump their bodies up with coffee and nicotine, those same employees and employers are laughing at the STUPID sign stamped on your forehead.  They know you’re the only dummy in the office who’s willing to serve as the lunch-time phone rush backup, the IT help desk support, the mail clerk, and the messenger courier.  You are the reason no new employees are hired.  Why hire anyone new when you can give up your lunch break, come into the office early or pack an overnight bag to draft a report that someone else is going to take all of the credit for?  There are words for people like you: FLUNKIE!  

Don’t get upset.  Don’t get offended.  It’s not uncommon.  In fact, you’re part of a large group of distressed employees who haven’t found the right kind of support group for people who are paid to be taken advantage of.  

Sure, your colleagues are sitting at their desks skimming through magazines and sleeping on the job, and while they’re slacking off, you’re somewhere hiding for the sake of sanity, hastily coming up with new ways of an early dismissal.  You might pull a fire alarm.  You may decide to dip a pack of staples in acid and go all Rambo on those lazy mofos who only remember your name when there’s a package that needs to be picked up from the front desk.  Whatever the case, that smile that you wear so pleasantly is just bright enough to cover up the psycho that’s steadily growing inside of you.  

Some office workers, much like yourself, cry silently as they are overlooked for promotions, scammed on pay increases or bamboozled out of employee remunerations.  They try to convince themselves that they are lucky just to have a job at all, not realizing they are being paid minimum wage to be well dressed, glorified slaves who work for a man or woman who will not hesitate to replace them if they even look like they’re going to attempt to stand up for their rights.  Sadly, that’s just the way it is in the working world.  It’s a dirty job but someone’s got to do it and that someone must be you since you’re the only one in the office who’s actually doing some work.     

The upsetting part is that no matter how much work you’re able to push out; no matter the amount of blood, sweat and tears, you’ll always be looked at as the person who’s capable of doing the impossible when no one else will possibly do what it is that you do.  You’ll never get the big corner office, the company car or the corporate credit card; you’ll never be invited to take pictures with the president of the firm; and you’ll never get the standing ovation for the increased statistics from the department’s progress flow charts.  You are forever doomed to be the little man at the bottom of the totem pole; the one who’ll set up and clean the party when yet another associate has quit for a better paying, higher profile job. 

That is unless and until you do something about it!  

Take charge of your life.  Scratch that STUPID stamp off of your forehead and replace it with a more perceptible sign.  Ignore your colleagues more blatantly.  Flip your desk upside down, toss some lighter fluid atop of it and set it ablaze.  It’s time to say to your slacking associates, “Eff you bastards!  I hate my job and it’s time I start living for me!”  Just make sure you have another job lined up because after you’ve declared your hatred for your only source of income, you’ll be booted out of the building faster than a rocket scientist can press a button on an ejection seat.  P.S., prostitution, stripping or male escorting should not be considered as part of your backup plan because even those fields come with a price.

If you’re going to spend more time at work than you do at home then you might as well spend that time doing something you enjoy.  That way the small paychecks won’t matter as much.  And if you really want to turn the tide, start your own business so you can be the boss who delegates all of the assignments to everyone else while you sit at your desk and catch up on all of the latest Hottywood gossip.  That’s what corporate America is all about!  Don’t be afraid to take a chance and live a little.  Changing your profession is not as hard as it sounds.  Everyone else is doing it so you might as well be a part of the “in” crown.  After all, it was a wise man who once said, “90% of any effort is getting started.”    So what are you waiting for?

____________________________________________________

Quote of the week:   “You might be taught to work but you aren’t taught to love it.”

Do You!

November 3, 2010 by Hottywood Helps in Advice and tagged Aaron Neville, acceptance, accident, accolades, account, acoustics, Acting, action, administration, Adolescence, adoption, adventure, Advice, affair, Affection, Africa, agenda, agree, agreement, alarm, alarms, alcohol, America, amusement, anatomy, angels, animal, Animals, annoying, anorexic, answers, apple, appreciation, armor, Army, arrested, art, aspirin, Ass, Assessment, asshole, assignment, assistant, associates, attention, attitutde, auto, automobile, automobiles, average, award, Babies, baby, babysitter, back off, bad breath, bad idea, bad joke, bad kids, bag, baggage, bakery, baking, bamboozle, band-aid, bandaid, bar, baseball, basics, bathroom, batteries, battle, bb gun, Beach, beaches, bed, beer, beg, beggers, Behavior, believe, BFF, bikes, bilingual, bill collector, bill collectors, Bisexual, bitch, blackmail, blah, blind, blindfold, Blog, Blogs, blood, board, Body, bomb, bond, bone, book, boots, booty call, booze, Boredom, borrow, boss, box, boxing, Boy, bra, brain, brandy, break through, breaking up, breasts, breath, bricks, broken heart, brothel, buckets, budget, buffet table, bulimia, bull, bum, bump, bungee jumping, bus, business, butt, cafeteria, cake, calories, candy, car, cards, Cars, Cashier, Casual, Cats, caught off guard, Celebration, Celebrity, Cell Phone, cell phones, change, character, Charts, chase, Cheating, Cheerleaders, cheese, Chemistry, chevrolet, Chicken, Children, choices, chores, chrylser seabrign, Church, cinema, circus, climax, clinic, cloak, clothes, clown, Clows, Club, co-workers, cocktails, Coffee, Cold, colleague, Cologne, Comedy, comfort, comfortable, comical, commercial, commitment, Commitments, Communication, Communications, community, compact cars, companionship, complexion, compliment, compromise, computer, computers, concentration, concert, Concerts, condom, Construction, Consultation, Consulting, contact, continent, conversation, convertible, cooking, cookout, corner, Cotton, country, couple's therapy, Couples, court, coworker, coworkers, crap, Crash, crazy, creativity, criticism, crossbows, crossroad, crying, cubicles, Cures, dance, dark alleys, darts, date, Dating, dating and relationships, Dear John, deceit, decision, decisions, deficit, delivery, demons, Depression, Design, designs, dessert, devil, dial tone, Diana Ross, diapers, diet, Dieting, dignity, dime, direction, director, disappointment, discount, disgruntled, disloyal, Disney, disobedience, disposition, diva, diving, divorce, dodge caravan, dog, Dogs, Dolls, don't call me I'll call you, Donald Trump, donuts, doomed, drag queen, drama, draw, drawing, drinking, drinks, driving, drunk, duct tape, dummies, Dumped, dunce, Dunkin Donuts, duty, Earth, echo, eco friendly, economics, economy, Education, EEO, eject button, ejection seat, elastic, elevators, email, emergency, emergency kit, emotion, Emotions, employee, employee of the month, employees, employer, Employment, emptiness, encourage, enemies, enemy, energizer bunny, energy, enough, Entertainment, Equal Employment Opportunity Act, escape, escort, ethnicity, etiquette, evaluation, events, eviction, evil, excuses, Exercise, expectation, explode, explosion, explosive, Eyes, face, facebook, faciities, facilities, facts, facts of life, Family, fan, farm, fart, Fashion, Fast Food, faucet, favor, Faye Dunnaway, Fear, fed up, feeling, Feelings, Feet, Female, fiance, fib, Fight, Fighting, Fights, file, files, finance, Finances, fingernail file, Fire, fired, fireman, firemen, Fitness, flashy, flattery, flirt, flirting, Food, fool, Football, ford, forest, forgetfulness, forgiveness, fragrance, frenemies, friend, Friends, friends with benefits, friendship, fruit, fuel efficient, funding, funds, Funk, Funny, furniture, gag, game, games, gang, garments, gas, gas station, Gay, gear, Geography, germs, get laid, gift, gin, Girl, glass, goals, good mood, gospel, Gossip, Gossipping, Graduation, grease, greek myth, groping, Guilty, gun, guns, hair, hair style, halloween, hamburgers, Hancock, Hand Grenades, hangnail, hangover, Happy, hard times, hardware, Hate, Hater, Haters, He's Just Not That Into You, headache, healing, Health, Heart, heart break, hearts, heaven, heights, hell, Help, Help for Hire, Help Wanted, herbs, Heterosexual, hide, high school sweetheart, hiking, hilton hotel, hire, ho, hoe, holiday, home, homelessness, honesty, Horror, hot dogs, house, housewife, housing, How-To, Human, Human Resources, Humanity, Humor, hunter, hurt, husbands, I don't care, ice cream, icing, idea, idiot, ignore, illegal tickets, immaturity, impression, India Irie, inebriated, infedility, inferior, infidelity, infomercial, information, ink, inner city, innocence, innocent, inquiry, inquisitive, insect, insecure, Inspiration, insults, intelligence, intension, interior decorating, interior decorator, Interior Design, Intimacy, intimidation, intmacy, intoxication, introvert, invasion, irritating, island, Italian, Italy, jail, Jamie Foxx, Jaws, jealousy, jeep, Jehovah's Witness, Jessica Simpson, Joan Crawford, Job, Jobs, jog, joke, Joker, Jokes, journey, judge, jumper, jury, justification, justify, karate, Katt Williams, Katy Perry, Kelis, keys, Kids, kiss, kit, knock knock jokes, Knowledge, Krispy Kreme, lactose, lamps, land, land cruiser, lap dance, laugh, laughter, lava, law, lawyer, laywer, Laziness, lazy, lecture, lend, Lesbian, Lessons, lesten, Letter, leverage, Liar, lie, lies, Life, Life & Style, light, Lil Kim, Lil Wayne, line, linen, liquor, liquor store, list, listening, literature, loan, locomotive, loins, Lonliness, lose, loser, loud, Love, loved ones, lovers, loyalty, lubrication, Luck, lunch, lush, lying, MAC, Madonna, make up, Male, Man, Management, Manager, manipulation, manner, marriage, mask, mating, matters of the heart, maturity, McDonald's, meal, mean old lady, Medical, Medicine, medieval, Medusa, Meeting, Men, metro, mice, Michael Jackson, Microsoft Works, Military, minivan, miracle, missile, mold, Mommie Dearest, Money, mono, monsters, mood, Moods, Morning, Morning People, moron, mother, Motivation, motive, mountains, mouse, mouth, Movies, Moving on, Mr. Potato Head, mug shots, Music, Muslims, muzzle, mythology, nag, Naomi Campbell, nation, nationality, natural hair, neck, neighborhood, neighborhoods, Neighbors, nerd, nerves, network, News, nice rack, ninja stars, nipples, nissan, noise, nose, nosy, nuisance, Obama, obesity, off beat, offense, Office, Office Humor, old people, one night stand, open relationship, opera, Opinion, over weight, overcoat, overworked, oxygen, P. Diddy, pad lock, pain, pal, Pancakes, panhandler, Pants, paper, paperclips, Parents, Paris Hilton, participation, parties, party, pastry, patience, patries, paycheck, payday, People, people who always complain, pep rally, perfection, Performance, performance review, Perfume, personalities, personality, pervert, pet peeves, Pets, phone, photography, pickup, Pies, pimp, pink slip, planets, planning, plate, player, plumbing, plus size, Police, Politics, pollen, poor, popcorn, pores, portrait, portraits, Potato Chips, Power, Powerpoint, prayer, premature, prenuptial agreement, presentation, prey, prison, privacy, problem, program, promiscuity, promises, promotion, prostitution, protection, Psychology, Public, puppies, purchase, purse, quality time, Questions, quitter, rabbit, race, racing, railroad, Rambo, Ranks, rant, Rants, rap star, rat, rave, Raves, reasons, reception, recognition, Rejection, relations, Relationship, Relationships, Religion, reminder, repellant, repentence, repercussions, reprimand, resources, responsibility, restaurant, restaurants, restroom, review, reviews, reward, rich, ridicule, rocket, Rocks, rodeo, roller coaster, Romance, roommate, rope, rude, Rules, rumor, running, Sabotage, sad, safety, sale, sand, Sandals, sanitation, sanitize, sarcasm, Satire, Save the Children, savings, Saw, Scales, Scary, scent, School, schools, Sci-Fi, score card, scrabble, scream, seasons, second chances, secret, Secrets, secular, security, Senior, senior citizen, sense, senses, service, setting, settle down, sewing, Sex, sexality, sexual, Sexuality, shame, Shaq, shark, sheets, Shoes, Shopping, show, Shrek, sick, sight, Signs, silence, Silly, sin, singer, single, sinuses, size matters, skank, skin, Skinny, Skinny Jeans, Sleep, Sleep Disorder, smart, smart car, smell, smoke, snake, snakes, Snow, soap operas, society, Socks, soda, solar system, sound, sound effects, soup kitchen, space, spawn, speaking, speech, speed limit, Speeding Tickets, spices, sports, spring, spy, staff, staff meeting, stall. Route 66, staple, Starbucks, Statistics, STD, stealth, steel, stomach, Straight, street, stressed, Stripper, stupid, Stupidity, Style, subordinate, suburban, success, suffering, suggestion, suicide, Sumo Wrestling, Sunday, superior, supervisor, survival, suspect, SUV, swag, swine flu, T-Pain, Tacos, tank, tap water, target practice, tattoo, Tea, Teachers, teaching, team, tears, Teenagers, Telephone, temple, temptation, tequila, termination, test, text message, texting, Thank you, the golden girls, the truth will set you free, theater, theatre, thesbian, thighs, thinking, thoughts, threat, tickets, Time, Tips, titties, tivo, toes, toilet, towing, toyota, Traffic, train, trait, transporations, transportation, trapped, Travel, trees, trend, trip, trivia, true meaning, trust, tryst, ugly, ulcer, underestimated, underwear, Unemployment, uninterested, universal, universe, unpredictable, urges, Usher, using the bathroom, utensil, Vacation, valet, validation, vaseline, vehicle, verb, victim, victory, Videos, views, violence, visual, vodka, volcano, volkswagon, voodoo, vows, vulnerability, Waffles, waiter, waitress, wallet, Want Ads, war, Water, water cooler, wealth, weapon, Weapons, Weather, weight, weight loss, what if, Whitney Houston, who cares, whore, wicca, wig, wings, winner, winning, wireless, witchcraft, Witches, wives, Woman, Women, woods, work, world, worry, wrangler, wrap, wreck, Wrestling, wrinkles, writing, xerox, Youtube | 4 Comments

Ladies and Gentlemen: 

I’m not going to spend a lot of time telling you something you don’t already know.  Instead I’m going to remind you what most of you have forgotten to consider before heading out into a world where people criticize your every move.  “DO YOU.”  F*ck what anyone else thinks and f*ck what they say, because ultimately, where you are concerned, YOU have the last word [unless you’re arguing with a police officer; then you’d just better shut up and do what they say or run like the wind and hope like hell that the high speed chase doesn’t end up on the 6:00 news].  But let’s not plant any unnecessary thoughts in your head.  

  • When your girlfriend or boyfriend starts acting shady; to hell with them!  DO YOU. 
  • When your neighbor bangs on your walls to complain about the noises coming out of your bedroom at all odd hours of the night; to hell with them!  DO YOU.
  • When your supervisor complains because you come to work late every morning with a bag of McDonald’s in hand; to hell with them!  DO YOU.
  • When your friends tell you that your latest get rich quick scheme is going to be a flop; to hell with them!  DO YOU. 
  • When a strange person on Facebook offers their stupid unwarranted opinion on a conversation between you and someone who’s actually on your friend list; to hell with them!  DO YOU.  

“Doing you” simply means living the life you deem fit for yourself.  It’s not about approval, consent, agreement, concurrence, endorsement or any other form of validation from anyone else.  No one else’s opinion should matter if you’re strong and secure in your own choices.  Everyone and everything else becomes secondary.  Until you learn that unspeakable truth for yourself, you’re going to spend the rest of your life being done by other people in a hole that’s only meant for exit, and without the use of any vaseline.  

  • When your booty call gets mad because you’ve decided that you want to be alone this weekend; to hell with them!  DO YOU. 
  • When your soap operas become more important than the people who ring your telephone to talk about nothing you care about; to hell with them!  DO YOU. 
  • When your minister calls you out for being hung over in church but fails to point out that they chugged-a-lug right along with you; to hell with them – they have to answer to a higher power!  DO YOU.
  • When panhandlers curse you out for not giving them any of your spare change to go buy a vodka miniature from the local liquor store; to hell with them!  DO YOU.
  • When everyone looks at the wrinkles in your shirt and wonders if you got dressed in the dark; to hell with them!  DO YOU.     

People may offer you suggestions but they’re only offering you suggestions based on the choices they’d make for themselves.  You are not like anyone else.  In fact, no two people are exactly the same.  We are all unique.  We are unique in the way we look, dress, speak, walk, even smell.  Don’t even get me started on the stench of some people’s bullsh*t.    That’s a whole nother blog post. 

  • When someone tries to pull you into their web of gossip; to hell with them!  DO YOU. 
  • When someone tries to make their life appear to be more grand than yours; to hell with them!  DO YOU. 
  • When someone counts the calories in the donuts you wolf down; to hell with them!  DO YOU.
  • When humorless people are too boring to laugh at your farcical jokes and stories; to hell with them!  DO YOU.
  • When someone makes a side-mouthed comment about your funky silent fart; to hell with them!  DO YOU.   Their sh*t stinks, too.  

Life is about the choices you make.  It’s about the dark alleys you decide to hang out in and the low-lives you choose to accompany.  You are beyond the years of living for anyone else – unless you work for P. Diddy.  Then this message doesn’t apply to you.  

Being your own person may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, thanks to the limitations that society has placed on us all, but there is comfort in knowing that 90% of any effort is getting started. 

____________________________________________________

Quote of the week:   “The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice and there are two primary choices in life; (1) to accept conditions as they exist, or (2) accept the responsibility for changing them.”

 

The Setup for the Comeback

September 14, 2010 by Hottywood Helps in Advice, Humor, Relationships, Sex and tagged Aaron Neville, acceptance, accident, accolades, account, Acting, action, adoption, adventure, Advice, affair, Affection, Africa, alcohol, America, amusement, anatomy, angels, animal, Animals, annoying, answers, apple, art, Ass, Assessment, asshole, associates, attention, auto, back off, backbone, bad idea, bag, baggage, bamboozle, band-aid, bandaid, bar, basics, bathroom, batteries, battle, bb gun, Beach, bed, beg, beggers, Behavior, believe, bill collector, Bisexual, bitch, blah, blind, blindfold, Blogs, blood, board, bond, bone, book, boots, booty call, booze, Boredom, borrow, boss, Boy, bra, brain, brandy, breaking up, breath, broken heart, buckets, budget, bull, bum, bump, bungee jumping, bus, business, butt, cake, candy, cards, Casual, Cats, Celebrity, Cell Phone, change, character, Cheating, Chemistry, Children, choices, chores, Church, cinema, classroom, climax, clinic, clothes, Club, 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Route 66, Statistics, STD, steel, stomach, Straight, street, stupid, Stupidity, Style, success, suffering, Sunday, suspect, swag, switchboard, T-Pain, tank, tattoo, teacher, tears, Teenagers, telemarketing, Telephone, test, text message, texting, theatre, thighs, thinking, thoughts, threat, Time, towing, train, trait, transportation, Travel, trees, trend, trip, trust, tryst, ugly, underestimated, underwear, uninterested, universe, unpredictable, urges, Usher, using the bathroom, utensil, Vacation, valet, validation, vaseline, victim, views, visual, vodka, voodoo, vows, vulnerability, wallet, war, wealth, weapon, Weather, weight loss, what if, Whitney Houston, whore, wicca, wig, wings, winner, witchcraft, Witches, Woman, Women, woods, work, worry, wrap, wreck, writing | 3 Comments

There isn’t one person in the world under the age of 12 who hasn’t experienced a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  And if you just so happen to fall under the alternative lifestyle category, you’ll be happy to know that the rules of relationships — even those that involve breaking up — still apply; except for borrowing each other’s clothes.  That’s about the only rule you have all to yourselves — but that’s not the point of this post.  

Having experienced a decent relationship (as well as decency lasts in the eyes of a typical “spring fling”), once that relationship has ended, there’s no guarantee that it’s really over.  Sure, you may be the one to think so, but leave it up to your ex to challenge that theory with subliminally messaged phone calls, novelistic emails, and unromantic steak & cheese dinners by candle light.  

The signs are all there that those stars in your former mate’s eyes are the glimmer of hope that you’re pressed enough to swallow your pride, blindfold yourself and dive back into that dead end relationship one more time that you schemed so effortlessly to get out of. 

Take a peek at some of the signs to see if you’re being tricked into a trap:

  • The phone calls that finally diminished into a single txt message per month have increased to 5 phone calls and text messages per week.  
  • The emails that have become nonexistent have augmented into 4 emails per day.   
  • Your ex hasn’t forgotten your daily routine and has coincidentally bumped into you at the local market, ironically holding a box of your belongings in the trunk of their car that you vowed never to pick up from their apartment once you’ve freed yourself from the death trap of the relationship.   
  • They ask you about your personal life and seemingly place flashbacks in your mind of when your romantic affiliation with them was blissful.   
  • They try to make you jealous by impersonating a piping hot life they’ve carbon-copied from a daily soap opera. 
  • Now they laugh at all your jokes, forgetting that while you were together, they rarely heard a word you said. 
  • They try to replace emotion with meaningless sex, thinking that because you’re no longer together, it’ll make you remember what you tried so hard to forget. …not mention they want to do it with their shoes on.
  • They only make sexual comments to you because they ran out of profound statements during the rise and fall of the relationship. 

As tricky as some of these mouse traps may be, if you must look for the silver lining, I guess it’s always good to be reminded that you’re still a baaad mamma jamma.

And if you’re one of those desperate exes whose finally missing a good thing now that it’s gone — GAME OVER SUCKER,  it’s over and now it’s time for you to get it through your head!  It’s not very hard to accept that your ship has sailed.  And if you think I’m lying, then you don’t know that 90% of any effort is getting started. 

____________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:   “Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you’re with an individual who isn’t moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain’t going to work.”  – Usher

 

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