What Part of Adolescent Behavior Should Teachers be Responsible For, Some or All?

First and foremost, let’s begin this post by warning anyone that doesn’t have a sense of humor to cease and desist immediately.  Ion’t need anyone hating on those of us with a few jokes in our hearts.  Real talk. 

Now if all minds are clear, we can begin. 

More times than a little bit, we are forced to be reminded of how bad our sweet little kids are – in the grocery store; during a meditational church prayer; inside a restaurant, a movie theater, or the laundromat.  And after we’ve hung our heads in shame, hidden under a table, rock or some fat lady’s dress, which is of course always the first thing we do from sheer embarrassment of raising such sweet-faced spawns of the devil, we pull out the Parents’ Handbook for Dummies: A Guide to Punishing Kids Who Couldn’t Care Less About Their Weak Ass Parents or Their Dumb Punishment Attempts.  Surely we know that this handbook is nothing more than a reminder of how blunderous we are as parents for not being able to get a grip on our kids in private and often more in public.  “No more to that,” I say!  In this new day and age the finger is no longer pointed at the ineffective parent!   

Stick with me while I explain.  

Once upon a time bad behavior could be blamed as the result of a timid housewife, an absentee father or even a poor environment of a child’s neighborhood.  But now that we’ve skated pass the 1950s, it’s time that we place blame somewhere else.  Let me ask you.  If [working] parents spend more time at work than they do at home, where do children spend most of their days?  No.  Not a juvenile detention center.  They spend all of their time at school, so naturally the first person to blame for the disruptive behavior of the child that no one wants to babysit is none other than the teacher!  

Teachers come into the classroom with one agenda: to teach.  They teach math, science, social studies, language arts, foreign language, even religion.  But they don’t teach discipline.  Why the hell not?  If they know that 69.3% of students in each classroom are offensively bad, why don’t they spend less time writing notes home to parents in an effort to remind us of how we’re failing as guardians instead of drafting up a damn disciplinary education standard to get those attitudes in check?  There’s no need to tell us about our kids’ discipline problems.  We already know they’re bad as sh*t.  What they’re telling us is that there is a lack of effort and responsibility in our classrooms.  Our teachers are too lazy to tell our brats to shut the hell up!  If they are spending more time with our kids than we are, then it’s only fair that they hold more of a percentage in the area of disciplinary responsibility, right?  It’s just common sense.  

Hell, we spend eight hours a day dealing with bad attitudes, unrealistic demands and never-ending chores, all for little to no paycheck.  When we get home, we are expecting the teachers to bombard our kids with multiple chapters worth of homework, detention slips and drained energy from sending their bad asses back and forth to the principal’s office.  When they send our kids home all well rested and free from studying, they are only telling us that they do not value the progression of our children’s citizenship. 

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Imagine, leaving the discipline up to the parents.  As if we don’t already have enough on our plates. 

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When the kids finally graduate after spending 6 or 7 years in high school, who takes the credit for them graduating?  Teachers, of course.  Why be all finicky when it comes to their behavior?  

Look, teachers.  All we, as parents, are trying to do is be fair.  We’re simply trying to give you the credit where you deserve it and raise a stink when you fall short.  Teach the damn kids some manners and respect so that we don’t have to be called bad parents when they come home with these nasty attitudes.  Stake your claim in the effort of raising some good standing citizens while they’re still young.  Just keep in mind that the next time one of our kids comes home with some foul language that you’re going to get your ass kicked.  Since our feet aren’t super-glued to the playground, they are your responsibility from 8:30-3:00.  So you need to be aware of what they’re talking about; whom they are messing with; when they skip class; when they skip school; fight; fuss; sleep; pout; whine; cheat; and/or lie.  You’re getting paid to do the same sh*t we are too tired to do for free. 

Now if you think this letter is too much of a big pill to swallow, relish in the thought that 90% of any effort is getting started.  And trust me, it’ll probably be easier to digest if you hit the bottle first. 

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Quote of the week:  “Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don’t.”

In Search of Non-Morning Person Support Group

Seems to me I remember sharing with the world how much of a morning person I am not some time back in 2009.  Still, all my mornings pretty much begin the same – brutal traffic that points its finger and laughs at me as I cuss all the way to work; stale bagels; and yesterday’s coffee.  Today seems to be as good a day as any to reiterate how much I despise people who bombard me with useless conversation about how they are doing when it’s clearly marked on my forehead how much I don’t give a damn; customers who call the office first thing in the morning to ask questions they seem to already know the answers to; and coworkers who are not considerate enough to let me take my coat off before pawning their work off on me so they can play endless games of internet Bejeweled.  

Perhaps if my night ended in a peaceful manner, filled with salty french fries, a throwback comedic marathon, like “I Love Lucy”, and a foot massage from a rich princess who runs a country somewhere in the tropics and looks like Kim Kardashian, I wouldn’t feel like coming to work with a machine gun full of bubblicious chewing gum and stink bomb pellets.  Alas, I’m not that lucky, and neither are those people who float across my threshold on cloud 9 any time before high noon – aka, lunch!  Especially if they aren’t toting a box of piping hot Popeyes chicken or seemed to have left their manners at home and omitted to say, “Good morning,” before tossing words around like, “I need you to,” and “I know you’re busy but…”  Those are the people who get their car doors scratched with a pair of keys or accidentally runs over a glass bottle of Millers Genuine Draft without any idea of what kind of non-morning person would do such a thing to them. 

Now by mid-day when my mood has calmed and my taste buds have settled on what it desires for the lunch time fix, a whole new wave of gripe and grudge takes over my body once my eyelids have become heavy and the clock does anything but move its big hand closer to the 12 and the little hand on the 5.  This is around the time when office colleagues, business vendors, and out-of-office meeting guests should all enter my personal space with caution.  To put it mildly, only approach me if wearing a suit of armor while holding a bungee cord to assist me in an early dismissal of work through the 17th floor window.  But seriously, what are the chances of that happening?  If your answer is “little to none” much like my answer is, there is an alternative solution.  Boredom is the next overwhelming feeling after passing the I Don’t Want to Be Here stage of the day.   Here’s when practical joke mode kicks in.  

Accidentally jam the photocopier, fill all the toilet bowls in the building with Bounty paper towels or make prank 911 calls from your boss’ desk phone and just sit back and wait for the fun part to begin.   

I would’ve included a nice clip of an overflowing toilet but you did just eat your lunch in the previous paragraph and that simply would’ve been another mess for you to clean up before quitting time.  At any rate the day must go on if you wish to continue receiving your paychecks.  So as much as I would love to sit here and continue telling you how much of a morning person I am not, or an afternoon person for that matter, I must dust off my glue gun and stick some folders to the bottom of the file cabinet in hopes to never see them again.  But if you have some time, let’s meet up after work for a drink.  By then I will be in the jolliest of moods and won’t mind so much stupid comments, selfish company or inconsiderate people because I’ll be too consumed by alcohol to give a sh*t.  

Five o’clock isn’t that far away.  I can make it.  After all, 90% of any effort is getting started.  

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Quote of the week:    “Oh, you hate your job?  Why didn’t you say so?  There’s a support group for that.  It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”   -Drew Carey

Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of September 26-October 2, 2010

If there’s one thing you should know it’s in what direction your luck may go.  Whether left or right or right or wrong, in stinky bloomers or uncomfortable thongs.  The week begins with a fall of rain and all weekend fun is now down the drain.  You may be surprised at what comes your way but with a little help you can play it safe.  If you remember one thing and nothing else, never forget that Hottywood Helps! 

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

No amount of heat will be enough to get the wrinkles out of any of your shirts.  Carry a paper cup for spare change, you bum. 

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

For seven days, you will either be profusely sweaty or profusely gassy. 

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

You might be in control over your own destiny, but you have no control over a shady bitch named Karma. 

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Aries

March 21 – April 19 

Carrying a rabbit’s foot may be lucky for you as long as you don’t pay attention to the fact that you’re carrying the luck of that poor dead legless bunny. 

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

You will stutter and spit every time a pigeon flaps its wings.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

People will only understand you if you speak in “baby talk.”  Babies will just look at you like you’re stupid.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Bathing in boiled potato water just may change the outcome of your day.  The question remains, “For better or for worse?”

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Leo

July 23 – August 22 

A great hooker once said, “You have to give in order to get.” 

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

Having multiple personalities will come in handy when you drive in the HOV lane during rush hour. 

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Libra

September 23 – October 22 

By complete accident, you will ask one too many questions and receive a priceless punch in the lower lip area. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

One of your greatest strengths is being the only one not invited to any parties. 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

If someone tells you you’re the spitting image of Tevin Campbell, they’re not complimenting you. 

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Quote of the Week:   “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

The Government of Hottywood

Apparently we have some tourists in the Hills of Hottywood who are unfamiliar with the way things work around here.  So being the informant that I am, I will happily school the clueless on the rules and regulations of this here territory.  

Unaware, I’m sure, that they were being pesky, annoying and a little obnoxious, those very same tourists bombarded me with a plethora of questions, requests and suggestions for change.  And though I am one who very much so respects another’s opinion, when it comes to Hottywood, I run this town!   

You may stick your suggestions in a suggestion box big or small enough to shove up your ass when you’re done, but what you suggest to me will not change the government where I am the president and the senate all rolled up into one overly attractive, witty and nonchalant leader.  I built this town from the ground up and I’ll be damned if I let an ignorant day-tripper come in here and disrupt my land or its people.  

Hottywood is a humble town.  It’s also a kennel of man-eating mutts who eat the stupid for lunch like Scooby-snacks.  So though you may think you’re gonna come in here and change the format, the only thing that’s gonna change is the color of your ass after it’s been kicked for not doing your homework before visiting strange grounds.  

Now there is but only one rule here in Hottywood.  And that one rule is that I make the rules!’  If you can’t deal with that, then pack your bags and hitch-hike the hell out of here —  cautiously, I might add, because the people of Hottywood are a very loyal people and we consider stupidity and ignorance as pollution.  

Having said all that, I hope your stay with us is a pleasant one.  And please, outside of disrupting the still waters, don’t hesitate to let us know what we can do to make your stay as delightful as possible, because we all aim to please which is not hard to do once we get started.  Thank goodness 90% of any effort is getting started.  Otherwise, you’d be sh*t up a creek. 

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Quote of the week:    “Whenever there is a job that needs to be done, assign it to a lazy man.  He is sure to find an easy way of doing it.” 

 

You Are Your Own Funniest Joke

How many times do you wake up in the morning and roll out of bed, only to be awakened by the sound of your heavy ass body hitting the floor?  What about tripping up the escalator stairs as you come out of the subway station, running late for work, of course?  Dare you recount the number of times you couldn’t hold in that last bit of gas after wolfing down any value meal from the McDonald’s menu?  Though the average person may point their fingers and laugh at your clumsy or greedy ass, it saves you a red face if you can just learn to laugh at yourself.  Sure, sometimes you’d much rather stick your head in a deep hole like an ostrich in order to avoid certain types of embarrassment, but if you can’t find humor in your own mistakes then you damn sure have no right to point out the mistakes of others.  And everyone agrees that it’s fun to point out the mistakes of others.  Even if you don’t concur verbally, your inner “real person” would agree, as he/she reminds you of that one time where you were rightfully so the butt of the joke. 

Being clumsy may be something to laugh at, but it’s also something to smile about.  There are way too many people who take themselves [and life] too seriously.  Every now and then you should be reminded that your ass is stupid, lazy, clutzy, greedy or gassy.  It’s what makes you normal – whatever your definition of normal is.  If by normal, you think “farting in church during a silent prayer,” then go for it!  Sometimes no one around you will find your faults funny, but that’s all the more reason to laugh – in that case, at everyone else for not seeing the sense of humor in life…and the noise your butt makes when you accidentally poot in public.  Just hope Jesus finds it equally as funny come judgment day. 

Life is filled with “oops” moments.  For instance, forgetting to put on underwear and having a gust of wind expose your ass crack for all to see.  Most people would call you a skank, skeez, or whore.  However, there are some people who would commend you for being so openly slutty and would probably wink, smile or secretly toss their phone numbers at you on a wrinkled up napkin.  Another example is if you accidentally get a hard on at the beach when seeing some fine piece of hump-lay run past you, jiggling in all the right places.  Once again, there’s a perfect opportunity for someone to laugh at you for being so damn horny.  If you’re really confident in yourself, the joke will be on them when you stand at full attention and leave the beach hand in hand with someone who got all moist inside for checking you out from afar!  Whether you’re a clutz or a freak, just remember the wise words of the great Michael Jackson, “You Are Not Alone.”    

Whatever the reason anyone may have for acknowledging just how much of an idiot you are, laughing at yourself will ease the humiliation of being the talked-about loser that no one wants to be around.  Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and it keeps on laughing.  All it takes is a little effort.  And 90% of any effort is getting started.  The bottom line is, if everyone around is going to be laughing at you, you might as well be in on the joke.

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Quote of the week:   “Be thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of your nose.”

Why Aren’t We F**king Anymore?

WHY THE SEX STOPS WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS

Well I was the one who opened my big mouth and said I had all the answers and oh em gee was I put to the test. Someone asked me, “Hottywood, why is it that people stop having sex once they’ve gotten into a committed, monogamous relationship?”

Not only was I left dumbfounded by this astonishing question that makes absolutely no sense, I also broke the golden rule of answering a question with a question – “What the…???”

I went back and forth in my mind on how I would approach this. I decided to start by giving some statistics: Research indicates that over 55% of partners are not interested in having sex once a relationship has been set in motion.

I’ve spoken with a ton of men and women and have learned that the problem is generally not a lack of sexual desire – it’s that they are not interested in sex with their partner for one reason or another.  Though there is no definite answer to this question, I’m going to give you a few ideas of what the hell the problem is with these idiots who want to give up the most fun part of being in a relationship.

Before I break it down and kick some knowledge to you, let me begin by telling you the school-book definition of two fools who are determined to sleep back to back every night. Yes, there is an actual definition for this bullsh*t.

The technical term is Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD); defined by the American Psychological Association as “a deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity, producing marked personal or interpersonal distress, but not the result of alcoholism, a general medical condition or substance use (medication) or abuse (street drugs).”

Sexuality in long term relationships is the result of loving energy flowing between two people. If something is blocking this energy, the sexual energy between them often gets blocked as well. 

There are a few reasons why the well has gone dry, and these reasons are not as complicated as you may think.  Follow along and learn something:

One of the partners in the relationship is one lazy mutha SHUT YOUR MOUTH!  Get off your ass and clean up.  Help with the dishes.  Put away your dirty underwear.  Take out the trash.  Put down those chocolates.  Get off the damn phone.  Pick up the kids once in while. 

You’re making your partner angry by being so lazy.  It’s good to have some skills under the sheets, but if you can’t do a damn thing else but f*ck, then your ass need to be demoted to a booty call. There is a reason why people say, “I can do bad all by myself.” 

No affection.  Believe it or not, people actually appreciate conversation.  It’d be nice to have a little small talk before you start stripping.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the right away get down, but people, especially women would like for someone to get into their mind before you discover their Victoria’s secrets.  Cuddling, or as I like call it – “spooning”, could also earn a few brownie points.  It’s okay to go the extra mile.  No one else will know besides you and the person you’re humping.   

Lack of Communication.  Communication is key!  If you don’t talk to each other, and ask the real questions why the bed is so cold, then you’re going to continue masturbating while you’re partner is not home or taking a long, cold shower.  Get to the bottom of this nonsense and do it quickly.  CHEATING is on both of your minds, and trust me, that’s a whole nother problem you probably aren’t ready to deal with.   

Too needy.  The bottom line is that this is a turn off for anyone.  Most women are turned on to a man when he is in his power and feeling good about himself. Neediness is not a turn-on. Men, too, are often not turned on to a needy woman; a woman who needs him to make love to her for her to feel safe, worthy and lovable. 

Man, woman, gay or straight…get this sh*t together.  Chances are you weren’t a needy prick before things became official.  So now you’re going to add “liar” to your list of reasons why you aren’t getting any?  If you really are needy, then you need to check that quickly or else you’ll never get laid again.   

You are now too comfortable.  Ut oh…you and your partner have become so comfortable with each other that you are no longer “get it” material.  You’re more like siblings. 

Unless you’re into incest, you can pretty much hang it up.  You’d better invest in a blow up doll, a dildo or a paid escort.   

You’ve let yourself go.  Face it, you’re not going to get any if you stop making the same effort it took to bag your partner in the first place.  Men, shave your wolfed out beard.  Ladies, shave your armpits.  Try not to get 40lbs heavier than you were before your relationship became official.  Personal hygiene is a plus and a nice outfit won’t kill you.  Let your partner know that he/she is worth you getting all jiggied up for.   

Boredom.  It isn’t uncommon for sex to become routine.  This is a sure way to lose interest.  You don’t want to know what to expect each time you lay down for the grown-up.  Explore new positions and places to be intimate.  Hell, if you have to, invite someone to watch or join in.  No, I’m not promoting infidelity or orgies, but if you aren’t getting laid right now, are you really going to rule out all the options? 

Poor self esteem – If you don’t feel good about yourself you’ll find it difficult to see yourself as a sexual person. Your partner will be seeing a very private side of you and that takes confidence.  Get a backbone and stop being such a wuss.  Up the prescription meds on your wacked out self esteem issues and stop holding out.  You can’t expect anyone else to feel good about you if you don’t feel good about yourself.  This is worse than being needy.  

Someone can do it better.  I’m going to say these phrases once and let them marinate: ‘For every one person who’s good at something, there’s always someone better.’ AND ‘Someone is always willing to do to/with your partner what are you aren’t willing to do.’  POW!   

Your partner just isn’t into you anymore.  You could be as sweet as grandma’s apple pie, but it could be terribly possible that you just aren’t attractive to your mate any more.  There’s not much you can do to fix that.  Once someone is turned off by you, they won’t miss you until you’re gone.  And IF they miss you and reconnect, chances are you’ll remind them why they stopped being attracted to you in the first place.  It’s harsh, I know, but it’s also reality.  Deal with it.   

To put it mildly, you or your partner are f*cked up and you really need to get your sh*t together.  You may get some ass every now and then if you’re lucky, but it’ll be more like a chore than a privilege.  And that one or two times you get that horse shoe out of your ass will not solidify a lengthy relationship.

Sex is too much of a beautiful thing to be deprived of it.  Meet your lover half way and talk about what your real issues are. 

Meanwhile, here are a few tips for increasing sexual desire:

  • Relax. This is the most important thing you can do. Have a bath, use deep-breathing techniques or buy a relaxation tape, and drink PLENTY of alcohol. 
  • Check your environment. Be sure there are no distractions to you becoming aroused and that the atmosphere suits your mood.
  • Enjoy being sensual before you’re sexual. Take your time and allow your body to focus on the pleasurable sensations of touch.  In other words, masturbate.  This may even turn your partner on…it’d be even better if you’re doing it for each other.  When all else fails, oral sex is a total winner!!!
  • Change your view. Get sex into the forefront of your mind by reading or watching something more raunchy than you’d normally choose. PORN PORN PORN!  Hey, it’s a form art. 
  • Focus on positives. If there’s something about your partner or yourself you don’t like, don’t think about it. Force yourself to look at and think about the positives, instead.  Basically what I’m saying here is picture yourself with someone else.  This may be crude, but if you aren’t willing to grow some balls and end the relationship all together, then you can get a fantasy going inside that warped out brain of yours. 
  • Stimulate your sympathetic nervous system. Exercise, watch a scary movie, go on a roller coaster – anything that will speed up your heart rate. Research suggests that 15 to 30 minutes later your body is more sexually responsive.

Here’s a little humor for all you married women who just aren’t into it right now. Raise your hand if you can relate:

“I give birth to your kids and you complain we don’t have sex? How do you think they were born, osmosis? Who takes care of them, drives them to school, picks them up for after school activities, drives them to sports, takes them to their friends houses, plays chauffeur, cleans, cooks, goes to PTA meetings and then caters to your sorry whiney ass when you get home. To top it off, after you eat, fart and burp, you walk out the door to go out with your buddies.

You want sex? Go  f*ck yourself!  I’m too tired.”

Well kids, 90% of any effort is getting started.  So hop to it! 

 

Quote of the week:       “In the sex war, thoughtlessness is the weapon of the male and the vindictiveness of the female.”

Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mrhollywood2009

The Office Idiot: Why Stupid People Get Hired & Not Fired

Raise your hand if you’re privileged enough to work with someone you deem as “stupid.”  What makes them stupid?  Is it the questions they ask that make absolutely no sense?  Is it the completely idiotic jOffice_Idiot_2okes they tell?  Is it the fact they are supposed to be the expert in their field, yet they have no idea what in the hell they are really doing?  Let’s face it – every office has one stupid person in it.  So why is it that the most qualified person for the job is the one who gets passed up or canned? 

So many of us smart people have been asking this question since we were old enough to work.  The average person would think that stupid people get hired for jobs because smart people don’t apply, but whether you work in a Fortune 500 corporation or a fast food restaurant, the answer to this question is simple.  Stupid people are hired because every office or business has a SP quota that they need to fill.  What is “SP” you ask?  Duh….STUPID PEOPLE! 

STUPID QUOTEThe SP Quota is an unwritten statement that was inducted into the widely known Equal Employment Opportunity Act of 1995.  It’s unwritten because the person who thought of it was too stupid to include it in the bill when congressed passed the EEO laws 15 years ago, either for fear of public stir or sheer stupidity.  Whatever the reason, the non-genius didn’t realize was how much of an impact this unwritten law would have on the stupid people of America. 

Stupid people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.  And though they couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag, they bring a certain decorum to every office.  They disguise themselves in fancy clothes and pretty smiles and usually have the best Confusedmanners, but if you look at their job performance they are nothing more than employees paid to look pretty or fill an empty desk.  These dim-witted nincompoops are not completely useless however, contrary to what you may believe.   They serve a purpose for brighter employees that includes, but are not limited to practicing insults, target practice and back-stabbing.  In a simple case scenario, an intelligent worker will ask the opinion of the brainless, take their answer and do the complete opposite, usually bringing forth a remarkable result to the initial inquiry.  Because these people are so good at being stupid, they are none the wiser to the formula that ranks their intelligence level at the bottom of the office community food chain.    In fact, the more stupid a person is, the greater their chances are to be hired. 

Let’s take a look at a few examples of some of the dumb sh*t people actually put on their resumes and explore what this person is really trying to say.  Keep in mind that none of this is made up. People really did put this bullsh*t on their resumes or job applications.

  •  It’s best for employers that I not work with people.   – Translation: I am mean, untrustworthy and will eat your lunch if you leave it in the office refrigerator. I also drink and smoke a little pot. 
  • My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.  – Translation: I don’t read books because the words are too big. 
  • I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.   – Translation: I will be consistently late for work until the day you receive a phone call from the police or a hospital. 
  • Graduated in the top 66% of my class.   – Translation: There is absolutely nothing about me that will set me apart from anyone else.  I am average and ordinary and you will probably forget my name within the first week that I am hired. 

These are perfect examples of people who should be hired for a job – because they would provide the best forms of entertainment for any office. 

Office_IdiotOffice mates can throw paper clips at stupid people.  They can play pranks on them and never get caught by their employers.  They can dump all of the work they feel are too menial for them to do and then suggest that the stupid person be reprimanded when the job is incomplete or performed incorrectly.  Stupid people are the best people to insult, gossip about and lie on.  They provide comedic relief for the rest of us who really matter.  Some are stupid by nature, others by association.  No matter what level of stupid they are, they are worth having around because they will be the ones most likely to not be invited to office parties, but will be expected to clean up once the party is over. 

Be warned that most stupid people do not take the job they are applying for as seriously as they do their after-hours drinking.  Case in point, the guy in the clip below:

…so if you imply to a stupid person that they are in fact stupid, they are liable to drag you in a dark alley and beat the living sh*t out of you.  One thing a stupid person is smart about is not getting caught whooping your ass. 

So there you have it – a complete understanding of why stupid people are hired and why most are not fired.  

Having said that, I’d better grab my keys and go.  I insulted our office idiot just this morning and I’m now watching her stand very closely to my car with a brick in one hand and a match in the other.  So kids, feel free to stop by and check me out anytime, as long as it’s no time before 11am.  If you knock on my door or ring my phone any time before then, I’ll cut your ass.  I so will. 

Until later my little Ethiopian honey-dipped sesame seeds!  Remember – 90% of any effort is getting started. 

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Quote of the week:     “Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.”