Man Jumped for Not Sharing His Weed to Celebrate Vatican’s White Smoke Announcement

Church FightKILLEM COURT, Connecticut – Rodney McSausagefoot was beaten senseless in a parking lot of a Catholic church in Connecticut’s Killem Court Projects for sparking up a joint filled with marijuana after hearing of the Vatican’s announcement of a new Pope.

“Firing up a jay is how we celebrate good news in the hood. Actually firing up a jay is how we celebrate bad news in the hood.” McSausagefoot said before undergoing evaluation for the concussion he suffered from the assault.

Neighbors were outraged at the Catholic’s harsh reaction to the victim’s unwillingness to share his weed at the time of one of the most historical moments in Catholic history.

When police asked McSausagefoot why he didn’t offer any of his smoke to the attackers before being attacked he responded, “…because they didn’t put in on this.”

McSausagefoot could face a steep fine or a sentence in a county jail for being stingy with his weed.

Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of April 24-30, 2011

Discovering the real you is something that happens when you least expect it.  It only happens when you realize there is a positive side to belching in public.  Now’s your time to experience the joys of tomorrow’s stares. 

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

Tongue-kissing like a puppy is a big turn off. 

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

You can solve any problem with a big payoff and no witnesses. 

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

You may spend ½ the day trying to figure out what it is you have in common with a midget giraffe on steroids. 

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Aries

March 21 – April 19 

In time, you will learn to appreciate the joyous sensation of peeing with the door open.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

Beware of fish today. That includes fish sticks, fish & chips, and women with bad hygiene. 

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

Someone is going to tell you, “You’re too stupid to be from this planet.”  Don’t get offended.  Aliens are making a comeback. 

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Your face may be ashy and cracked this week and it may have a direct impact on the growing population of rat droppings and rusted copper toe rings. 

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Leo

July 23 – August 22 

Cheese curls will mysteriously appear in your pocket and the sun will set upon the east.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

That overwhelming feeling you have burning the inner depths of your soul will be revealed after a revelation on the toilet. 

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Libra

September 23 – October 22 

You might institute a “drop your pants” day, at the end of the week.  This may or may not change people’s perception of your slutty inhibitions.  You may also get a promotion.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

Dust all the lint balls from the corners of your room and ask yourself what that has to do with the legalization of marijuana. 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

Being cheap is not a bad thing.  It’s just a cover up for something stirring in your bowels. 

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Quote of the Week:     “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”