During our transition from adolescence to adulthood, there are many key phrases that we may hear from our friends, associates, frenemies and/or enemies. Some of those phrases can be labeled as good if we are stupid enough not to look deeper into the true meaning of its intent.
Nevertheless, whether you have the word “Idiot” stamped on your forehead or not, Hottywood is always somewhere lurking around to make sure you’re not caught off guard the next time someone tries to pull the wool over your eyes.
Buckle up, babies because I’m about to take you for a ride.
If your friends generally call you but never have anything to talk about, chances are you need to hide your cheese, ’cause I smell a rat! What they’re really saying by not saying anything at all is:
“Just because I call to check on you doesn’t mean I care, because I don’t.”
Whether you know it or not, just because someone is calling you doesn’t mean they have any interest in talking to you. It’s just some people’s way of keeping you close by and on hand just in case they need you for something. You should always keep an emergency excuse on reserve for those just-in-case moments.
It pays to be polite to people because you never know when you’re going to need them. But being polite to someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to become their new BFF. Now, let’s be real — when you ask someone how they’re doing, what are you really thinking? I’ll tell you what you’re thinking:
“Just because I ask how your day is going doesn’t mean I care, because I don’t.”
What idiot on the planet doesn’t know that the every day question, “Hey, how are you doing?” is a matter of robotic routine for anyone who doesn’t have the balls not to care to your face?
We all have friends who boast about their sex lives. Honestly, meaningless, pointless sex with random strangers and partners in the double digits is just some people’s way of feeling needed and wanted. To the rest of us who actually respect ourselves and our bodies as temples, those people are only good enough to keep around for a laugh as well as reminders of what not to do after one too many shots of tequila. So why don’t you share with the class what crosses your mind when your slutty friend outlines all the details of their latest one-night stand. I bet it goes a little something like this:
“Just because I haven’t called you a skank outloud doesn’t mean I think you’re innocent, because I don’t.”
Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. That way, in the end, blackmail will totally work in your favor.
The better the listener, the better the blackmail.
Hey, money doesn’t grow on trees. Having said that, not too many people are stupid enough to turn down a free meal. That is until they’ve run across that one person whose cooking tastes like old hot dog water. Just to be nice, we try to keep our thoughts [and our vomit] to ourselves. But burning deep within our souls is the mere thought:
“Just because I haven’t thrown up off of your food doesn’t mean I like your cooking, because I don’t.”
A lot of people believe they can do what the universe say they can’t. Things like: cook; sing; rap; work as cashiers; and serve us food at drive thru restaurants. No matter what the trade, a chef holding a knife has more power than a critic holding a barf bag.
Bad jokes are just as common as a bad cold. And also just as annoying. Unfortunately for us, many people will take a stab in the dark at trying to put a smile on our faces. Too bad for them that they’ve succeeded in getting us to laugh, but we’re laughing AT them, not WITH them. So the next time someone sets you up for a “knock-knock” joke, think before you speak.
“Just because I faked a laugh at your corny ass joke doesn’t mean I think you’re funny, because I don’t.”
Usually, this act debuts on stages all over bad dates and any office where an employee awaits his/her manager to sign their paycheck.
It’s true; a lot of people speak merely because they love the sound of their own voice. On the other hand, we love to hear them speak because it reminds us that we’re not the most stupid person in the room, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. In contrast, there are some who offer their opinion even when we haven’t asked for it, and those people are usually single. What’s the first thing a person thinks about when someone tries to shed some light on a situation that has nothing to do with them? Here’s what I think:
“Just because I pretended your advice solved my problem doesn’t mean I think you know what you’re talking about, because I don’t.”
Chances are you talked so much until you confused yourself into accidentally making sense. The good news is most people will take what they can get if it means shutting you up.
You win some; you lose some.
Acquaintances. Everyone has one. But it’s the acquaintances we know the least that we want to learn more about. Why? Because they are the folks that will give us more to talk about at all the gatherings they aren’t invited to. Keeping that in mind, if someone comes to your party that you’ve never really associated with, here’s what’s really on their mind:
“Just because I came to your lame ass party doesn’t mean I want to hang out with you and your whack ass friends, because I don’t. ”
A lot of people will show up to parties just see how you live, whether it be grand like the lifestyle you hype up; or shabby, like the lifestyle most people expect from you.
People who don’t reveal when they catch you in a lie hold tightly to their leverage because they’re simply assessing your skills at being dishonest. Any smart person knows that a liar is more valuable as an ally than they are as an enemy. So when you’re lying through your teeth and someone knows it, what they’re really thinking is:
“Just because I haven’t pulled your card doesn’t mean I believe you’re telling the truth, because I don’t. ”
Not putting someone on the spot is just another way of finding out who and how they really are.
Who ever said, “…the truth will set you free.”?
Oh, and if anyone ever questions your next overly animated story, look for the nearest exit, because a setup is sure to catch you at the next red light!
So now that you’ve heard a few tricks of the trade, I’m curious to know what you’re thinking? And if I were you, I’d be honest with me. Me, being an expert at what I’m sharing with you gives me an advantage. Just because I hipped you to the game doesn’t mean I think you’ll win, because I don’t. But I’ll give you an “A” for effort. Because if you haven’t learned anything else, I’m sure you’ve learned that 90% of any effort is getting started.
Quote of the week: “Where secrecy reigns, carelessness hides.”