You Can Not Be Mislead If You Follow Your Own Steps

Good morning class.  Today we’ll be discussing stupid muthaf*ckers who insist on asking your opinion on matters that are just as stupid as the person who’s inquiring your input, but don’t appreciate your response. 

They’re out there.  Everywhere.  Sometimes self absorbed, often times ignorant to their own ignorance.  They are people who need validation to continue to be politically incorrect.  Oh what the hell…let’s not beat around the bush.  They are people who need validation to continue to be effin’ stupid.  They ask for your advice, opinion, or thoughts on a matter that they know in their heart and soul makes no sense and then judge and criticize you for the answer that you give, leaving you to ponder the thought, “What the hell did you ask me for?”  

Those very people will bore you with the details of their bad choices and try their damnedest to convince you they are right, all the while being more than hypocritical to the fact they don’t have all the answers – at least none of the right ones…or in most cases, the answers that are interesting enough to entertain.  

You can save your breath in offering up intelligent words of advice.  For the most part, they aren’t going to listen to you any way.  Just send them to a generic website or something and let them argue with the computer.  Now that would be more entertaining to witness.  If that doesn’t work, you can always stuff a sack of potatoes in their mouth and watch them choke on the skins.  Again, entertainment at its best.   Whatever you decide to do, it’d be better than having someone argue the very thoughts they practically begged you for.  And there would be no better payback for the person who wasted your time telling you about some issue you probably didn’t care about in the first place.     

So the next time a person asks for your opinion and then catches some devilish attitude for the answer you provide, there are a few options you can consider: 

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Punching them.

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Karate chopping them.

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Shoving them down a flight of stairs.

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Torpedoing a cake in their face.

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Tying them up and dangling them over a rooftop.

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Feeding them to sharks, or

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Unleashing a pack of belly-filled pigeons and watching them bird-sh*t all over the culprit.

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These considerations are a load of fun and only require a little effort on your part to make sure that very same fool won’t make the mistake of asking for your advice again.  If you keep in mind that 90% of any effort is getting started, you’ll realize nothing is impossible. 

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Quote of the week:    “Life can be summed up in three words: ‘It Goes On.’”

Remember Your First Heart-Felt “F*ck You!”?

Not all memories of your past are good ones.  Sure, there are some.  The first time you got laid, the first time you ate popcorn and potato chips at the same time, even your first solo in the shower.  But it’s those bad memories that stick out like sore thumbs.  For example – the first time you got laid, the first person to ever break your heart or your first solo OUT of the shower.  Though many people sit and reminisce on the days of yesteryear, you, along with about a kabillion other people sit and reminisce on that one person who led you on, only to step on your heart like a roach invading a home in the projects. 

Granted, you may find yourself asking yourself the question, “What the hell was I thinking?” at times, but those memories aren’t all a bag of crap – at least they shouldn’t be.  You’d be insensitive or inhuman if they were.  Maybe even a moron for dealing with such harshness of a shattered love, at least in the concept of what you thought love should be.  In some ways, you kind of owe your “first” a word of thanks.  Not in the sense of thanking them with a bouquet of roses, unless those roses are dead and wilted.  But thanking them for allowing you the opportunity to learn that you are so much better a person without them.  After all, how would you know how to deal with a broken heart if it wasn’t for that person, who lied to you, cheated on you and made you more of a less-wanted option as opposed to a can’t-do-without necessity?  Just think, there’s so many other reasons you can give thanks to that individual who never really gave a sh*t about you in private, only in public when it really mattered, when their set of friends looked on to your scripted relationship with envy.  You should stand proudly and hold your head up high as you thank the motherf*cker for:  

  • ruining someone else’s false hopes of living and loving happily ever after,
  • assisting you in losing weight after all those lonely nights of warm tears and loss of appetite, 
  • for no longer making you feel like an unwanted fool for forgetting special days like your birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day,
  • for no longer using you as a guinea pig for a love affair they prayed to have sans YOU,
  • for blaming you for a mistake they made, and
  • last but not least, for teaching you how to say and mean the most profound words of our country’s history, “F*ck you!”

You’d be just as much of a liar as they were if you admitted out loud that you no longer harbored any positive or negative thoughts to the tainted past. No one ever moves on completely…not when their “first” is concerned.  It’s just easier to hold on to all the profane thoughts of a “plastic” relationship than it is to admit you were a fool for love at all.  The truth is you’re going to be a fool for love many times over, even if you’re lucky enough to find your soul mate. 

Finding that one true love isn’t a matter of effort, it’s a matter of two things: (1) time and (2) patience.  Two things most people believe they don’t have a lot of.    

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Quote of the week:    “The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won’t hurt you again.”