Are you an office employee who is surrounded by idiots? Do your superiors bury you 6ft. under a pile of files?
THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU’RE NOT ALONE.
THE BAD NEWS IS NO ONE CARES.
Employees across the nation damn near pull their hair out from the overwhelming stress of answering other people’s phone calls; cleaning up someone else’s mess; or having all of their brilliant ideas stolen from coworkers who are too stupid to even remember their own last name. But not you! You’re the only genius who doesn’t make the time to find a better gig. And while all of your office mates are surfing the net in search for better job locations, higher paying promotions and bigger employee benefits, you get to sit at your desk and do all of their work that they refuse to do themselves.
Welcome to corporate America!
Little must you know, while you’re smiling at all of the office suite passersby and executive officials who roam back and forth pass your desk to pump their bodies up with coffee and nicotine, those same employees and employers are laughing at the STUPID sign stamped on your forehead. They know you’re the only dummy in the office who’s willing to serve as the lunch-time phone rush backup, the IT help desk support, the mail clerk, and the messenger courier. You are the reason no new employees are hired. Why hire anyone new when you can give up your lunch break, come into the office early or pack an overnight bag to draft a report that someone else is going to take all of the credit for? There are words for people like you: FLUNKIE!
Don’t get upset. Don’t get offended. It’s not uncommon. In fact, you’re part of a large group of distressed employees who haven’t found the right kind of support group for people who are paid to be taken advantage of.
Sure, your colleagues are sitting at their desks skimming through magazines and sleeping on the job, and while they’re slacking off, you’re somewhere hiding for the sake of sanity, hastily coming up with new ways of an early dismissal. You might pull a fire alarm. You may decide to dip a pack of staples in acid and go all Rambo on those lazy mofos who only remember your name when there’s a package that needs to be picked up from the front desk. Whatever the case, that smile that you wear so pleasantly is just bright enough to cover up the psycho that’s steadily growing inside of you.
Some office workers, much like yourself, cry silently as they are overlooked for promotions, scammed on pay increases or bamboozled out of employee remunerations. They try to convince themselves that they are lucky just to have a job at all, not realizing they are being paid minimum wage to be well dressed, glorified slaves who work for a man or woman who will not hesitate to replace them if they even look like they’re going to attempt to stand up for their rights. Sadly, that’s just the way it is in the working world. It’s a dirty job but someone’s got to do it and that someone must be you since you’re the only one in the office who’s actually doing some work.
The upsetting part is that no matter how much work you’re able to push out; no matter the amount of blood, sweat and tears, you’ll always be looked at as the person who’s capable of doing the impossible when no one else will possibly do what it is that you do. You’ll never get the big corner office, the company car or the corporate credit card; you’ll never be invited to take pictures with the president of the firm; and you’ll never get the standing ovation for the increased statistics from the department’s progress flow charts. You are forever doomed to be the little man at the bottom of the totem pole; the one who’ll set up and clean the party when yet another associate has quit for a better paying, higher profile job.
That is unless and until you do something about it!
Take charge of your life. Scratch that STUPID stamp off of your forehead and replace it with a more perceptible sign. Ignore your colleagues more blatantly. Flip your desk upside down, toss some lighter fluid atop of it and set it ablaze. It’s time to say to your slacking associates, “Eff you bastards! I hate my job and it’s time I start living for me!” Just make sure you have another job lined up because after you’ve declared your hatred for your only source of income, you’ll be booted out of the building faster than a rocket scientist can press a button on an ejection seat. P.S., prostitution, stripping or male escorting should not be considered as part of your backup plan because even those fields come with a price.
If you’re going to spend more time at work than you do at home then you might as well spend that time doing something you enjoy. That way the small paychecks won’t matter as much. And if you really want to turn the tide, start your own business so you can be the boss who delegates all of the assignments to everyone else while you sit at your desk and catch up on all of the latest Hottywood gossip. That’s what corporate America is all about! Don’t be afraid to take a chance and live a little. Changing your profession is not as hard as it sounds. Everyone else is doing it so you might as well be a part of the “in” crown. After all, it was a wise man who once said, “90% of any effort is getting started.” So what are you waiting for?
Quote of the week: “You might be taught to work but you aren’t taught to love it.”
Ladies and Gentlemen:
I’m not going to spend a lot of time telling you something you don’t already know. Instead I’m going to remind you what most of you have forgotten to consider before heading out into a world where people criticize your every move. “DO YOU.” F*ck what anyone else thinks and f*ck what they say, because ultimately, where you are concerned, YOU have the last word [unless you’re arguing with a police officer; then you’d just better shut up and do what they say or run like the wind and hope like hell that the high speed chase doesn’t end up on the 6:00 news]. But let’s not plant any unnecessary thoughts in your head.
“Doing you” simply means living the life you deem fit for yourself. It’s not about approval, consent, agreement, concurrence, endorsement or any other form of validation from anyone else. No one else’s opinion should matter if you’re strong and secure in your own choices. Everyone and everything else becomes secondary. Until you learn that unspeakable truth for yourself, you’re going to spend the rest of your life being done by other people in a hole that’s only meant for exit, and without the use of any vaseline.
People may offer you suggestions but they’re only offering you suggestions based on the choices they’d make for themselves. You are not like anyone else. In fact, no two people are exactly the same. We are all unique. We are unique in the way we look, dress, speak, walk, even smell. Don’t even get me started on the stench of some people’s bullsh*t. That’s a whole nother blog post.
Life is about the choices you make. It’s about the dark alleys you decide to hang out in and the low-lives you choose to accompany. You are beyond the years of living for anyone else – unless you work for P. Diddy. Then this message doesn’t apply to you.
Being your own person may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, thanks to the limitations that society has placed on us all, but there is comfort in knowing that 90% of any effort is getting started.
Quote of the week: “The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice and there are two primary choices in life; (1) to accept conditions as they exist, or (2) accept the responsibility for changing them.”
Fellas, grab your family jewels and ladies, clutch your pearls! I’m about to explain to you the answer to a question people have been asking for dozens of years:
Why do people seem to get so much better after they’ve gotten out of a relationship?
There is no ONE simple answer to this question. Actually, there are quite a few answers that not many people really take the time to explore. I guess it’s lucky for you that Hottywood has nothing better to do with this his time than to try to make you a better person in the long run. So let’s see what we can do help hip you to the dating game.
After getting out of a relationship, whether long or short or whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, when it’s all over, sooner or later you’ll realize it’s all for the best – and that’s because of the few reasons listed below. No need to thank me for this. Hottywood helps. It’s what I do.
So boys and girls, there you have it. Believe me, the list of reasons why people get better after life after love goes on and on, but what I’ve just given you are the most common reasons. Now you don’t have to spend any unnecessary time trying to figure out how you’ll go on if you’ve just been dumped. And if you were fortunate enough to be the one doing the dumping, then SUFFER! Because the person you let go of is going to emerge a better and stronger person and will have you to thank for it. They’ll be thanking you for days to come for not being around to cramp their style or hold them back. I guess some people just have to get pushed out of a nest. Anyone can soar like an eagle, whether it’s on a jet or with a bomb batch of herb…whatever the case, 90% of any effort is getting started.
Quote of the week: “It’s not holding on that makes you strong; it’s letting go.
There isn’t one person in the world under the age of 12 who hasn’t experienced a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. And if you just so happen to fall under the alternative lifestyle category, you’ll be happy to know that the rules of relationships — even those that involve breaking up — still apply; except for borrowing each other’s clothes. That’s about the only rule you have all to yourselves — but that’s not the point of this post.
Having experienced a decent relationship (as well as decency lasts in the eyes of a typical “spring fling”), once that relationship has ended, there’s no guarantee that it’s really over. Sure, you may be the one to think so, but leave it up to your ex to challenge that theory with subliminally messaged phone calls, novelistic emails, and unromantic steak & cheese dinners by candle light.
The signs are all there that those stars in your former mate’s eyes are the glimmer of hope that you’re pressed enough to swallow your pride, blindfold yourself and dive back into that dead end relationship one more time that you schemed so effortlessly to get out of.
Take a peek at some of the signs to see if you’re being tricked into a trap:
As tricky as some of these mouse traps may be, if you must look for the silver lining, I guess it’s always good to be reminded that you’re still a baaad mamma jamma.
And if you’re one of those desperate exes whose finally missing a good thing now that it’s gone — GAME OVER SUCKER, it’s over and now it’s time for you to get it through your head! It’s not very hard to accept that your ship has sailed. And if you think I’m lying, then you don’t know that 90% of any effort is getting started.
Quote of the week: “Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you’re with an individual who isn’t moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain’t going to work.” – Usher
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to face the cold hard truth that a season comes to all those who live and breathe that causes one’s social well to dry up. It’s not unnatural or uncommon. However to most, the one thing that it is, is unacceptable! Because of that overwhelming feeling of non-acceptation, people are driven to fulfill their human sexual desires with anyone who is willing to hit it then split it without recourse of a commitment. This practice is commonly referred to as “friends with benefits” or “FWBs.” And though we’ve discussed FWB’s before, we’ve not discussed the short end of the stick of being one of those friends with benefits.
Though hooking up without any strings can be a good thing, it should not go unsaid that it’s very much a double bladed sword. Burning loins extinguished by the touch of another’s hands put aside, there are a couple of questions you have to ask yourself about being trapped in an un-relationship.
Question #1. Why does the resort always have to be a hookup? What is it about me that makes people not want anything more than my fun company and devilishly freaky ways in the sack?
I may not have a solution to the issue that has you stumped on why no one wants anything more from you than your ass, but I do know that you get what you ask for. Stop being so easy and put a padlock on those open legs of yours. Being easy makes it easier for people not to want to be interested in you outside of the bedroom. No matter the status of your f*ck-buddy – friend or stranger – you’ll still be viewed as a garden tool if you don’t step up your game in the self-respect department. After all, you can’t expect anyone to master the art of loving you if you haven’t mastered the art of loving yourself first.
Question #2. Why am I emotionally attached?
You’re probably emotionally attached because you’re lonely – truth be told.
Most hook-ups are consensual. And most of them are mapped out before the undies hit the floor. If you’re letting your feelings get involved, then you’re the damn fool. The person who’s tapping that ass is only in it for the cheap thrill. Once you’ve gotten that last orgasm out of your system, you’re going to be sitting on the side of your bed asking yourself Question #1 all over again. If you can’t keep your feelings out of the deal, then your best bet is to go apply for a membership card at your local xxx shop! There’s no point in you getting attached to someone who doesn’t want you mentally. There’s a HUGE difference between being attracted to someone mentally and being attracted sexually. The sexual attraction is the easy part. A couple of drinks and a paper bag and the whole thing’s over in a few hours (if you’re lucky). Otherwise, you’re just fooling yourself while you’re waiting for the big let down.
The list of questions to ask yourself why you’re not good enough for a person to settle down with could go on for as long as time can bare but it’s up to only you to make the changes needed to draw the energy that you so desire.
If you want a good bang session, all you have to do is dream it up and it’ll happen. Dating and relationships aren’t so easy these days. Well, it is if you’re just a big ol’ bully who has mad skills in scaring someone into dating you, but let’s be honest — that wouldn’t go as far as a whale can peddle on a bike.
Let’s break this down in simplest terms.
If a person can’t match up to the high standards that you set for yourself and they’re trying their damnedest to flee — LET THEM. It’s not always easy to let someone go. Thank goodness 90% of any effort is getting started. The truth is, you deserve more and everyone knows it. You’re just the only person willing to admit it openly.
Quote of the week: “Is it better to be sometimes cheated than not to trust at all?”
Despite what you think or are led to believe, you can not turn a ho into a housewife! It does not matter how good the sex is — tricks, dips, locations or positions have nothing to do with anything outside of the common interest. To that ho you are nothing but another trophy on the mantle piece. Even if your sex is outrageously out of this world, for the most part the only thing you will have in common with your bedded counterpart is the f*ck. You may share a cuddle after that first, second or third climax, but once it’s over they will have forgotten your name until they’ve seen your number flash across their cell phone screen for another uninhibited romp.
A lot of people in our society confuse a good lay with emotions. They think that just because someone is riding the bull like a rodeo champ that their heart is also into it. Here’s a newsflash for all the delusional people in the world: Hoes don’t f*ck with their hearts. A ho will screw anything that walks; anything that makes them feel good between the legs. And one ho has many FWBs (friends with benefits). You are not as special as you are led to believe unless and except it’s between the sheets.
A good ho will make you feel like you are the icing on the cake. You will feel as appreciated as a donut with no calories. However, if you think you are that special case, then the only thing special about you is your stupidity. A ho is a ho for a reason. Just like he/she licked up and down your thighs, they’ve done it to the person before you and will most likely do it to the person after you. Getting your feelings involved with someone based on the sexual experience is moronic, imbecilic, dumb, premature, desperate and ill-advised. It screams, “Something is wrong with me and I’m single for a gotdamn reason!”
Even if you are able to convince a ho that they should settle down with you and turn their promiscuous ways around, it won’t be long before they seek a romantic tryst with someone other than you [or a couple of someones in addition to you]. It’s in their nature. It’s in their mind. It’s like a calling from their loins; an uncontrollable urge to mate over and over without any attachments; with no strings; no repercussions.
The only purpose you will serve to that ho is to boink like wild rabbits, unless you have deep pockets. Then they will be smart and manipulative enough to make you believe their world is centered around you and the platinum plastic stashed away in your wallet. In that case what you have on your hands is an on-call prostitute. You may have a good lay every Friday or Saturday night, but come Sunday morning you’re going to be repenting for your sins. And what good is repenting if you’re going to keep making the same sinful mistakes?
If you’re planning on making a housewife out of ho, then you need to do the following things:
Though I make it common practice to advise that 90% of any effort is getting started, turning a ho into a housewife should be considered a wasted effort. That is unless you’re a pimp. And if you want my opinion, that’d be just as stupid as a desperate man confusing a f*ck with feelings.
Quote of the week: “You can wait for the right one to come along, but until then, you might as well enjoy a good time with all the wrong ones.”
If you would’ve come to Hottywood first for the answers, you could’ve avoided that boisterous ass eruption during dinner with your honey’s folks. Never fear. I can see in my crystal ball that your week will be a little better than last week’s fiasco. But I wouldn’t do any cartwheels if I were you. It won’t be better by much.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
December 22 – January 19
No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to get rid of the ring around your bath tub. This is a good week for shopping as all of your clothes probably have the residue of yesterday’s scent.
January 20 – February 18
You will have tourette syndrome of dandruff scratching. This is the perfect time to pamper yourself because no one else will want to be near you.
February 19 – March 20
Listen to your nipples’ warning. They will itch intensely each time someone lies to you.
March 21 – April 19
Your personality is more fake than Pamela Anderson’s boobs. People will like you for who you are once you stop pretending to be someone you’re not.
April 20 – May 20
You will miss all of your most important phone calls because you won’t be able to get your sh*tty ass off the porcelain pot.
May 21 – June 20
The most thought-provoking piece of literature you’ll read this week will be The National Inquirer…and even still, that’ll only be for the pictures. Dumbass.
June 21 – July 22
This is an off week. Stay away from hookers and 5 o’clock shadows. …and if you happen to be a hooker with a 5 o’clock shadow, you’re in a world of trouble. Especially if you’re a woman with a beard thicker than your pimp’s.
July 23 – August 22
Sit your ass down and stop stealing the spotlight. You’re doing way too much and no one cares. Go hibernate in a cave like a bear.
August 23 – September 22
All of your fried chicken will taste like captain crunch cereal and spoiled milk.
September 23 – October 22
Being two-faced won’t keep your ass from getting kicked.
October 23 – November 21
Do the world a favor and shut the hell up. There are more people not interested in what you have to say than you think.
November 22 – December 21
Someone’s watching you, but don’t get too excited. They only notice you when you make an ass of yourself.
Quote of the Week: “Santa Claus is on to something: visit people only once a year.”