Remember Your First Heart-Felt “F*ck You!”?

Not all memories of your past are good ones.  Sure, there are some.  The first time you got laid, the first time you ate popcorn and potato chips at the same time, even your first solo in the shower.  But it’s those bad memories that stick out like sore thumbs.  For example – the first time you got laid, the first person to ever break your heart or your first solo OUT of the shower.  Though many people sit and reminisce on the days of yesteryear, you, along with about a kabillion other people sit and reminisce on that one person who led you on, only to step on your heart like a roach invading a home in the projects. 

Granted, you may find yourself asking yourself the question, “What the hell was I thinking?” at times, but those memories aren’t all a bag of crap – at least they shouldn’t be.  You’d be insensitive or inhuman if they were.  Maybe even a moron for dealing with such harshness of a shattered love, at least in the concept of what you thought love should be.  In some ways, you kind of owe your “first” a word of thanks.  Not in the sense of thanking them with a bouquet of roses, unless those roses are dead and wilted.  But thanking them for allowing you the opportunity to learn that you are so much better a person without them.  After all, how would you know how to deal with a broken heart if it wasn’t for that person, who lied to you, cheated on you and made you more of a less-wanted option as opposed to a can’t-do-without necessity?  Just think, there’s so many other reasons you can give thanks to that individual who never really gave a sh*t about you in private, only in public when it really mattered, when their set of friends looked on to your scripted relationship with envy.  You should stand proudly and hold your head up high as you thank the motherf*cker for:  

  • ruining someone else’s false hopes of living and loving happily ever after,
  • assisting you in losing weight after all those lonely nights of warm tears and loss of appetite, 
  • for no longer making you feel like an unwanted fool for forgetting special days like your birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day,
  • for no longer using you as a guinea pig for a love affair they prayed to have sans YOU,
  • for blaming you for a mistake they made, and
  • last but not least, for teaching you how to say and mean the most profound words of our country’s history, “F*ck you!”

You’d be just as much of a liar as they were if you admitted out loud that you no longer harbored any positive or negative thoughts to the tainted past. No one ever moves on completely…not when their “first” is concerned.  It’s just easier to hold on to all the profane thoughts of a “plastic” relationship than it is to admit you were a fool for love at all.  The truth is you’re going to be a fool for love many times over, even if you’re lucky enough to find your soul mate. 

Finding that one true love isn’t a matter of effort, it’s a matter of two things: (1) time and (2) patience.  Two things most people believe they don’t have a lot of.    


Quote of the week:    “The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won’t hurt you again.”

In the Dark About Sunglasses at Night

I am about to ask the age old question, “Why do people wear sunglasses at night?”  Is it me or is that an oxymoron?  It could be that only morons do it, but before I pass judgment, let’s give it a small thought and try to analyze the sense of this senseless fashion faux pas.

Once upon a time, arguably in the early 80’s during the height of the hit release, “Sunglasses at Night” (Canadian song-writer Corey Hart) it seemed only celebrities donned camera fronts, red carpets, and club venues with their eyes covered in fashionable eyewear in the wee hours of the night.  However now-a-days it appears everyone has fallen prey to this stylish misstep.  Logically, it makes no sense. 

Wearing sunshades at night should be a crime.  It isn’t hip.  It isn’t safe and it suggests you have something to hide.  Not to mention, it doesn’t protect you from walking into walls.  Though imbecilic as this may sound, you’d be surprised to know that this trend is just as popular with the older generation as it is with the younger generation, obviously for different reasons, of course.  

For teens and young adults, doing the whole sunglasses-at-night thing is all about image and style.  It’s about looking cool and making a statement.  But if you ask me, if they’re not P. Diddy, the only statement they’re making is, “I look dumb.” 

On the other hand, most old geezers who are ophthalmology patients find that wearing sunglasses at night — ones with a slight tint as opposed to deep black lenses — can cut down on the unpleasant glare that comes from headlights and streetlights.  This only makes sense if they’re playing in traffic or swinging like monkeys from a streetlamp.  However old people have earned their right to do whatever the hell they want and not give a damn about what anyone thinks.  So if they want to be stupid and knock over their denture cups or play in traffic and run the risk of getting hit by an oncoming truck, let ‘em! Wisdom comes from our elders, so they must know something us younger folk don’t.  There’s a lot to be learned from them, just don’t soak up this fashion-DON’T – your life could depend on it.

Whatever the reason, even in the name of fashion, I wouldn’t suggest wearing shades at night, or indoors, for that matter.  You have a lot to lose.  For example, your sense of style and possibly your reputation for ‘frontin’ like you a Gee, homie.

I hereby cast my vote to lock anyone walking the streets or driving a car after the sun has laid its head to rest, in a dark room for three days and feed them nothing but the crumbs of week-old bread while forcing them to watch the full run of Little House on the Prairie.  If that doesn’t teach them, nothing will. 

As we come to a close, I should take this opportunity to inform you of the only few reasons why covering your eyes at night would be acceptable:

  1. You’re a drunk or a pothead and you need to cover your red ass eyes; 
  2. You need to protect your ego because someone has just inflicted a scathing insult to your dumb ass for wearing sunshades when there’s no sunlight to block;
  3. You’re a pirate who forgot your eye patch in your other bootleg; or
  4. You’re a spy.   

All jokes aside folks, take off those stupid glasses.  If you have something to hide, trust me, you’ll drop your bomb in other ways.  But not as easily if you practice.  It all begins with removing the shades.  It just takes a little effort, and 90% of any effort is getting started. 


Quote of the week:   “Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do.  There can be no courage unless you’re scared.”