You Can Not Be Mislead If You Follow Your Own Steps

Good morning class.  Today we’ll be discussing stupid muthaf*ckers who insist on asking your opinion on matters that are just as stupid as the person who’s inquiring your input, but don’t appreciate your response. 

They’re out there.  Everywhere.  Sometimes self absorbed, often times ignorant to their own ignorance.  They are people who need validation to continue to be politically incorrect.  Oh what the hell…let’s not beat around the bush.  They are people who need validation to continue to be effin’ stupid.  They ask for your advice, opinion, or thoughts on a matter that they know in their heart and soul makes no sense and then judge and criticize you for the answer that you give, leaving you to ponder the thought, “What the hell did you ask me for?”  

Those very people will bore you with the details of their bad choices and try their damnedest to convince you they are right, all the while being more than hypocritical to the fact they don’t have all the answers – at least none of the right ones…or in most cases, the answers that are interesting enough to entertain.  

You can save your breath in offering up intelligent words of advice.  For the most part, they aren’t going to listen to you any way.  Just send them to a generic website or something and let them argue with the computer.  Now that would be more entertaining to witness.  If that doesn’t work, you can always stuff a sack of potatoes in their mouth and watch them choke on the skins.  Again, entertainment at its best.   Whatever you decide to do, it’d be better than having someone argue the very thoughts they practically begged you for.  And there would be no better payback for the person who wasted your time telling you about some issue you probably didn’t care about in the first place.     

So the next time a person asks for your opinion and then catches some devilish attitude for the answer you provide, there are a few options you can consider: 

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Punching them.

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Karate chopping them.

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Shoving them down a flight of stairs.

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Torpedoing a cake in their face.

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Tying them up and dangling them over a rooftop.

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Feeding them to sharks, or

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Unleashing a pack of belly-filled pigeons and watching them bird-sh*t all over the culprit.

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These considerations are a load of fun and only require a little effort on your part to make sure that very same fool won’t make the mistake of asking for your advice again.  If you keep in mind that 90% of any effort is getting started, you’ll realize nothing is impossible. 

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Quote of the week:    “Life can be summed up in three words: ‘It Goes On.’”

What Becomes of a Broken Heart: Getting the Last Laugh

Can we talk seriously for a moment?  …I didn’t think so, but let’s give it a shot anyway.  

They say “the heart wants what the heart wants.”  But what happens when the heart you want doesn’t want you back?  Wait.  Here’s a more thought provoking question: What happens when the heart that didn’t want you before, wants you now?  How do you deal?  Do you overlook the pain and suffering you endured when you were rejected by that special someone?  Do you pretend those feelings never existed or proceed with a lot of caution and a lot more ninja stars?  The answers are never easily revealed.  For the most part, it’s a matter of, you guessed it — the heart.  

Some people believe in second chances.  Some believe in fate.  Some believe that everything happens for a reason.  Those people are silly.  The really smart people believe that there are reasons why things didn’t work out the first time.  And those people are right.  Nine times out of ten if someone is trying to win you over or win you back, it’s because they miss you or something about you.  That much is worth the flattery but not necessarily the revisit.  There’s no guarantee that the second time around would be better than the first.  In fact, chances are it would be a recap of the tubs of ice cream and comfort food you wolfed down when you were dumped; stranded; ignored; rejected; underestimated; and underappreciated.  Only a fool would agree to go through that torment and weight gain again.  If there is/was something that someone didn’t like about you to begin with, it’s only a matter of time before those same turnoffs turn them off again, carrying your ass right back to the drawing board. 

Instead of asking yourself gratuitous questions like, “What if…?” this is your moment to take the opportunity to revel in the delight of getting the last laugh.  Somewhere between those buckets of tears and buckets of wings, you said to yourself that your ex lover would miss you when you were gone.  You may not have known when, if, or even how, but you knew in your heart that you were worth missing.  Them crawling back to you while whispering sweet nothings is the validation you could’ve only dreamed of and hoped for.  This is your just reward for loving someone who wouldn’t love you back; your trophy; your red ribbon!  The best part of sitting in the winner’s circle is that you know you are better than before.  You don’t need justification.  You don’t need someone else to tell you how great you are.  It’s nice to hear, but it’s not necessary — especially if it’s coming from someone who’s only speaking with empty words. 

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Life has a funny little way of telling you some good sh*t.  You just have to be open to listening to what it has to say.

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Always remember, “the path to your future does not rest in the baggage you carry on your back.”  Moving on and accepting new things is not as difficult as you may imagine.  Granted, it may take a little effort but 90% of any effort is getting started, the rest is a breeze.   Get the last laugh.  Laugh long and laugh loud! 

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Quote of the week:   “The first step in getting the things you want out of life is to decide on what it is you want.”